ฮผ as i continue my recovery journey, i can get sidetracked by complacency, intolerance, or dishonesty. ฮผ
Posted: Sun, Apr 22, 2007 09:19:07 AM
when i do, i need to recognize the signs quickly and get back on my path, the open road to freedom and growth.
once again i feel the topic today is about freedom. yeah i know, i wrote about that yesterday and probably many days before, and the salacious headline would probably seem to imply i was going to talk about relapse. PSYCHE!
no i am more in the hopeful mood this morning and not the doom and gloom or even cynical mood that i sometimes write in. something has changed internally, and while i am in this space i am going to enjoy it. is my life so much better than a week or ten days ago, no actually i have a few more life issues to carry in my knapsack. is the road i am transversing any less steep? no it appears to be the same as it always was. are there fewer enticing detours to sidetrack my journey? well actually i can see quite a few more. and i could write about all of those things, if i choose to dwell on that side of the road today. no today i feel once again HOPEFUL that no matter what the road has in store for me today, i can persevere and continue on my journey along the road to recovery. there was once a time where i believed i knew where all the land mines were on this path, or at least in my immediate vicinity, that notion was quickly dispelled and i felt lost and empty. today i am no longer worried where those booby-traps may be, as long as i am not th one that is planting them. my experience to date has been that i am my own worst enemy. i throw roadblocks in my way to force myself to detour down paths that are not healthy or safe for me. i dig giant pits in the road, that i can not jump over so i have to stop and ponder where to go. and i am the one who whines about how steep the grade is, so i can provide myself an excuse to turn around and find a different path. it is not life that does that to me, although i would truly like to blame all of those things on life in this brave new world. that is an old behavior and one that i choose not to even enter these days, so it is truly an old behavior rather than a current one -- and i have learned the difference. so what up on my journey today? a bit of work (practicing responsibility), a meeting (practicing a bit of surrender) and getting my coif redone (ah vanity). so off to the real world to see what i can discover or uncover about my path today!
once again i feel the topic today is about freedom. yeah i know, i wrote about that yesterday and probably many days before, and the salacious headline would probably seem to imply i was going to talk about relapse. PSYCHE!
no i am more in the hopeful mood this morning and not the doom and gloom or even cynical mood that i sometimes write in. something has changed internally, and while i am in this space i am going to enjoy it. is my life so much better than a week or ten days ago, no actually i have a few more life issues to carry in my knapsack. is the road i am transversing any less steep? no it appears to be the same as it always was. are there fewer enticing detours to sidetrack my journey? well actually i can see quite a few more. and i could write about all of those things, if i choose to dwell on that side of the road today. no today i feel once again HOPEFUL that no matter what the road has in store for me today, i can persevere and continue on my journey along the road to recovery. there was once a time where i believed i knew where all the land mines were on this path, or at least in my immediate vicinity, that notion was quickly dispelled and i felt lost and empty. today i am no longer worried where those booby-traps may be, as long as i am not th one that is planting them. my experience to date has been that i am my own worst enemy. i throw roadblocks in my way to force myself to detour down paths that are not healthy or safe for me. i dig giant pits in the road, that i can not jump over so i have to stop and ponder where to go. and i am the one who whines about how steep the grade is, so i can provide myself an excuse to turn around and find a different path. it is not life that does that to me, although i would truly like to blame all of those things on life in this brave new world. that is an old behavior and one that i choose not to even enter these days, so it is truly an old behavior rather than a current one -- and i have learned the difference. so what up on my journey today? a bit of work (practicing responsibility), a meeting (practicing a bit of surrender) and getting my coif redone (ah vanity). so off to the real world to see what i can discover or uncover about my path today!
∞ DT ∞