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to a life, or as the reading says OF life. the change i used this reflects my experience, when i got here, i certainly i had a life, in fact i was living THE life. i had work, i had family, i had party buddies, i had friends and i had decided to forgo any sort of long-term emotional or romantic relationships, and though t that bi was happy. as long as there a little sumthin', sumthin' in my daily routine, life was perfect. what a shock getting clean and staying clean was to my system and even though oi battled the recovery process, tooth and nail, i eventually found my one and true home in the 12 step fellowship i am a part of today. quite honestly i would drive a hundred miles out of my way to go to a meeting of this fellowship, rather than attend a meeting of any other 12 step fellowship, because i do not fit into their definitions of who there members are, were or should be. i am not a fellowship voyeur, nor do i head on other to see how the other side lives. for me, there is only one set of 12 STEPS and that is the steps as written and interpreted by the fellowship that has given me this life. i have no illusions about what i am. i am an addict, through and through and without some sort of structure and force more powerful than addiction i would be exactly where i was, at the minimum, and more than likely a whole lot worse.
way back when i first started this set of steps, i was certain that i was pretty well “fixed.” i had a full life, i had friends, a career, a long-term relationship, material success and emotional stability. sure there were a few things wrong that i felt i would just have to accept, but all in all, i had a life that was far beyond my wildest dreams. as i worked this set of steps, i uncovered a major reservation about how far i thought i could go, emotionally and spiritually. i uncovered a set of unresolved resentments, that were still affecting my world view. i uncovered a spiritual path, that i had been embarked upon for quite some time that had become a point of contention, at least in my head, that would separate me from the very fellowship that had given me this new life. now that i sit smack dab in the middle of my 12TH STEP, i see that everything that happened, everything i felt and everything i went through had a purpose. not some sort of esoteric, meaning of life kind of purpose. no the purpose that i am starting to see, is the removal of yet another layer of shite that blocks me from being more. more human, more genuine, more whole and certainly more self-assured. i KNOW that i do not know a whole lot of anything, and the more i learn the more i see that i have to learn. this trip through the steps has made more loving caring and most importantly more connected to the people in my life. what i once that was impossible, i now see was just hiding under the layer of detritus that accumulated over the course of living THE life.
yes, for me, the 12 steps are the path to a life beyond my wildest dreams and also provide me the resources i NEED to keep this life going. i am quite certain that without them i would be more like a bonsai, than a towering oak. the pot that stunted my growth and the process that twisted my limbs into an artistically form, has been removed from my life and although i am not yet an image of a towering oak, i am certainly well on my way, as long as i keep doing what has worked for across the course of my recovery journey, the 12 steps.

∞ DT ∞