ฮผ at one time or another, all friendships are challenging. ฮผ
Posted: Tue, Aug 21, 2007 07:35:03 AM
like any relationship, friendship is a learning process.
and boy have i been learning lately! as i grow-up, and i am growing up, i am finding that many of the friendships that i have formed over the course of my recovery, are not changing. i know the blame lies with me, and not with my partners in those relationships, but i find myself trying to be assertive to force change, and what i end up being is aggressive. it is my experience, that redrawing boundaries is never an easy thing to do, and although i want these relationships, nay, actually crave these relationships, i have discovered that unilaterally changing the rules does not work. so here i sit, stuck between a rock and a hard place, i am no longer willing to have certain boundaries crossed, and am afraid to sit down and actually talk with anyone, face to face about what has become intolerable over the course of time. so i leave the interaction pissed-off, and they leave the interaction shaking their head in confusion.
so along comes this reading, i am begin to focus on what is really going on inside of me. i am like the proverbial teenager, i want the relationships i have built to continue, but i do not want to be treated like a child anymore. so of course, like that teenager i rebel, loudly and often forcibly, when i feel as if i am being treated like a kid.
of course there is a solution. i can finish my sixth step, sit down and have a conversation with those friends with whom i have trouble relating, and let go of the results. simple, elegant and practical, but oh so difficult. the day is still young, so let me see what i can do to further that course of action, after all, it is only me that is holding myself back!
and boy have i been learning lately! as i grow-up, and i am growing up, i am finding that many of the friendships that i have formed over the course of my recovery, are not changing. i know the blame lies with me, and not with my partners in those relationships, but i find myself trying to be assertive to force change, and what i end up being is aggressive. it is my experience, that redrawing boundaries is never an easy thing to do, and although i want these relationships, nay, actually crave these relationships, i have discovered that unilaterally changing the rules does not work. so here i sit, stuck between a rock and a hard place, i am no longer willing to have certain boundaries crossed, and am afraid to sit down and actually talk with anyone, face to face about what has become intolerable over the course of time. so i leave the interaction pissed-off, and they leave the interaction shaking their head in confusion.
so along comes this reading, i am begin to focus on what is really going on inside of me. i am like the proverbial teenager, i want the relationships i have built to continue, but i do not want to be treated like a child anymore. so of course, like that teenager i rebel, loudly and often forcibly, when i feel as if i am being treated like a kid.
of course there is a solution. i can finish my sixth step, sit down and have a conversation with those friends with whom i have trouble relating, and let go of the results. simple, elegant and practical, but oh so difficult. the day is still young, so let me see what i can do to further that course of action, after all, it is only me that is holding myself back!
∞ DT ∞