โ i go through times of examining everything i say and do โ
Posted: Fri, Nov 21, 2008 09:29:40 AM
in order to identify my character defects and make sure we suppress them. i become determined to be rid of these horrible traits at all costs. and yet, there must be some sort of payoff for me, as i continue to hold on to them. WAH WAH WAH!
enough of the wailing, gnashing of my teeth and generally acting hysterical about something that i am powerless over. well, not entirely powerless, after all, it is up to me to make a conscious decision to let these go, or as the case may be on most days, cling as tightly as i can to those i am very fond of, daring the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN to just try and remove them, DAMMIT. so which of these not so desirable traits am i so fond of? well, that is fluid and changes with my current circumstances, recently it has been holding on to the hurts i caused myself, and rebelling against those who enabled me along the way. this morning, while trotting through the fog, it came to me, that the only payoff i get, from that sort of behavior is a new resentment to polish and build up until my next fourth step somewhere down the line. oh yeah, all the self-righteous indignation, the perverse joy in watching someone squirm and the ability to justify all sort of nonsensical garbage. is this honestly part of my vision for the man i want to become? apparently it is for right now, as i am loath to let this go. and yet inside, deep down, i am starting to get a sense of WTF, is this really worth all the energy i am putting into it? as i sit here this morning, cooling down, i would say probably not. after all, it is i who is giving away my power, not the other way around. so as the reading suggests, today is a good day to let go of my defects of character and my shortcomings, in all their manifestations and move forward into my life in the direction of my TRUE will for myself. so off to the showers and into the real world to see how well i can implement my decision this morning.
enough of the wailing, gnashing of my teeth and generally acting hysterical about something that i am powerless over. well, not entirely powerless, after all, it is up to me to make a conscious decision to let these go, or as the case may be on most days, cling as tightly as i can to those i am very fond of, daring the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN to just try and remove them, DAMMIT. so which of these not so desirable traits am i so fond of? well, that is fluid and changes with my current circumstances, recently it has been holding on to the hurts i caused myself, and rebelling against those who enabled me along the way. this morning, while trotting through the fog, it came to me, that the only payoff i get, from that sort of behavior is a new resentment to polish and build up until my next fourth step somewhere down the line. oh yeah, all the self-righteous indignation, the perverse joy in watching someone squirm and the ability to justify all sort of nonsensical garbage. is this honestly part of my vision for the man i want to become? apparently it is for right now, as i am loath to let this go. and yet inside, deep down, i am starting to get a sense of WTF, is this really worth all the energy i am putting into it? as i sit here this morning, cooling down, i would say probably not. after all, it is i who is giving away my power, not the other way around. so as the reading suggests, today is a good day to let go of my defects of character and my shortcomings, in all their manifestations and move forward into my life in the direction of my TRUE will for myself. so off to the showers and into the real world to see how well i can implement my decision this morning.
∞ DT ∞