โฆณ holding on โฆด
Posted: Mon, Nov 21, 2016 07:35:53 AM
is a lot of work.
over the course of my recovery journey, i have heard lots of theories about what the SIXTH and of course SEVENTH steps are all about. almost invariably they are mentioned in a single breath and shortcomings are used as a synonym for character defects. before i get rolling, “people-pleasing” is ALWAYS a shortcoming. it is NOT being pleasant to people and serving them. it is NOT an extension of being kind, courteous and respectful of others and their feelings. it is outright dishonesty and manipulation to achieve selfish, self-centered outcomes.
i really hate the SIXTH STEP. in my opinion, it is worse than STEP FOUR, and because of the set of feelings it triggers in me, i always move very quickly through it. on the other hand STEP SEVEN is my second favorite, right up there with ELEVEN. in the way i have come to understand how the steps work and go together, STEP SIX is all about what is inherent in me. those parts and pieces that are normal human traits, that have been warped out of any sort of recognition. character defects are NOT feelings, nor are they behaviors, hence, they are not removable by any force or extension of my will. they are totally different than shortcomings, which are behaviors arising out of the feelings that i feel when my character defects are triggered. why would i ever “people-please?” because i do not believe i am worth asking another for something i may need or want, so i dishonestly manipulate them into giving whatever it was, even if it is just a bit of respect, and making it look like it was their idea all along. i boost my self-worth, as they gave me what i thought i needed and i got it by manipulating them into doing it for me. nice work, when you can get it!
when i look at this set of paired steps in this manner, i get a sense of relief in a couple of ways. my defects of charter may be of me, but they are not me. i am greater than the sum of all my defects and when i actually look at them, they come down to far fewer than the thirty-five or so i once identified. by the way, FEAR is a feeling and when i say i am afraid of failing or succeeding, that feeling is triggered by my underlying defects of charter, namely low self-esteem and low self-worth. i am not worth succeeding and since i will always fail, i am a piece of shite, i have always thought i was.
i hold on to the familiar pain of dwelling in the subterranean recesses of my character defects because i am AFRAID (low self-respect) of doing the work to let them go and because i am AFRAID of what the upper world looks like. it always struck me as ironic that of all the men i have sponsored, across the course of my recovery it was STEP SIX that they chose to relapse on, rather than STEPS FOUR or FIVE. looking at my survival traits as defects is quite a jump, but the gift of all of this is STEP SEVEN, where i get to take the action of surrendering my behaviors into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery and ASK for the ability to act in a different manner, hopefully along the lines of an opposing spiritual principle. as long as i hold on to the notion that i AM my character defects and try to rationalize and justify them into being assets, i remain sick and twisted, a VICTIM to my addiction rather than a volunteer to my recovery. today i am, as Stuart Smalley once said: “I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”
over the course of my recovery journey, i have heard lots of theories about what the SIXTH and of course SEVENTH steps are all about. almost invariably they are mentioned in a single breath and shortcomings are used as a synonym for character defects. before i get rolling, “people-pleasing” is ALWAYS a shortcoming. it is NOT being pleasant to people and serving them. it is NOT an extension of being kind, courteous and respectful of others and their feelings. it is outright dishonesty and manipulation to achieve selfish, self-centered outcomes.
i really hate the SIXTH STEP. in my opinion, it is worse than STEP FOUR, and because of the set of feelings it triggers in me, i always move very quickly through it. on the other hand STEP SEVEN is my second favorite, right up there with ELEVEN. in the way i have come to understand how the steps work and go together, STEP SIX is all about what is inherent in me. those parts and pieces that are normal human traits, that have been warped out of any sort of recognition. character defects are NOT feelings, nor are they behaviors, hence, they are not removable by any force or extension of my will. they are totally different than shortcomings, which are behaviors arising out of the feelings that i feel when my character defects are triggered. why would i ever “people-please?” because i do not believe i am worth asking another for something i may need or want, so i dishonestly manipulate them into giving whatever it was, even if it is just a bit of respect, and making it look like it was their idea all along. i boost my self-worth, as they gave me what i thought i needed and i got it by manipulating them into doing it for me. nice work, when you can get it!
when i look at this set of paired steps in this manner, i get a sense of relief in a couple of ways. my defects of charter may be of me, but they are not me. i am greater than the sum of all my defects and when i actually look at them, they come down to far fewer than the thirty-five or so i once identified. by the way, FEAR is a feeling and when i say i am afraid of failing or succeeding, that feeling is triggered by my underlying defects of charter, namely low self-esteem and low self-worth. i am not worth succeeding and since i will always fail, i am a piece of shite, i have always thought i was.
i hold on to the familiar pain of dwelling in the subterranean recesses of my character defects because i am AFRAID (low self-respect) of doing the work to let them go and because i am AFRAID of what the upper world looks like. it always struck me as ironic that of all the men i have sponsored, across the course of my recovery it was STEP SIX that they chose to relapse on, rather than STEPS FOUR or FIVE. looking at my survival traits as defects is quite a jump, but the gift of all of this is STEP SEVEN, where i get to take the action of surrendering my behaviors into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery and ASK for the ability to act in a different manner, hopefully along the lines of an opposing spiritual principle. as long as i hold on to the notion that i AM my character defects and try to rationalize and justify them into being assets, i remain sick and twisted, a VICTIM to my addiction rather than a volunteer to my recovery. today i am, as Stuart Smalley once said: “I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”
∞ DT ∞