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...to whom do we turn? i have found the answer to this question in sponsorship.
well some days i seem to be speaking in some foreign language, i say something and when i hear it back it is like from a totally different planet or something. if i get told one more time that setting a boundary or having a feeling is a **tad one-sided** or that explaining what i believe is a **process** and to **have at it** i know i will scream. ¡OF COURSE THEY ARE ONE-SIDED! that is the nature of personal boundaries and feelings, i mean my gawd what am i supposed to do, ask permission to set a boundary or have a feeling?
i think not, so after that little vent, i do believe i will follow the direction that my horoscope gave me this morning and put my relationship project on hold for the next 24 hours.
so back to the topic at hand. this whole mess got started because i lacked trust in my sponsor, and now i am stuck. no matter how hard i try and unravel the tangled web of false assumptions and arrogant certainty, the worse it gets. i think that today, i need to put a call in and sit down with my sponsor. i know and feel that i am on the right path. that certainty grows everyday when i answer the question what did i do to take care of myself today, in the 10th step assignment i am currently still writing by choice. part of the answer is that i was assertive and stood up for my feelings once again. i also have a growing certainty that what i want is never going to happen, so the time has come to walk away and do not look back on this aspect of my life. so as i sit here this morning, preparing to hit the streets and pound some calories into nothingness, i also believe i will visualize the attachment i have to this relationship being consumed like the calories my body requires to move itself through the elements. most of all, i do believe that i will take care of myself, first and foremost and let the rest of the world spin as it will, i have more than enough work to do and a full, wonderful day ahead of me.
so starting now, it is a new day and one in which i can become more than i ever was, and let my spiritual and emotional garbage be incinerated in the flames of active recovery.

∞ DT ∞