โ my past is valuable-- in fact, priceless -- because i can use all of it to help the addict who still suffers โ
Posted: Tue, Apr 7, 2009 09:57:22 AM
a Higher Power can work through me when i share i past. that possibility is why i am here. the past as a tool. there are days i wonder about which past -- my past in active addiction, my past in recovery, the glorious past i recall through the rose-tinted glasses of euphoric recall, or the dark and bleak past that comes through the filter of negativity. you see, it is all relative, and like Sisyphus, i push this burden closer and closer to the top of the hill, only to have the burden be to much to push any further, then watch the stone roll all the way to the bottom of the hill.
of course, that is an exaggeration, for the most part, all of my past has been resolved, and most of the time, when i find myself in rehashing the past in dark and dank ways, i can catch myself and do a reality check, the same is also true of when i am euphorically recalling those days and events. the relativity of it all, depends on how i happen to be feeling at any given time., and what i happen to see as my part in the world around me, BUT the most important part of this discussion, is no matter what i feel, it is important that i allow myself to be a tool for a HIGHER POWER and share whatever happens to come out of my mouth, unedited.
so how do i see my past this morning>? well, i have been pounding away at work since six-thirty, and it has been a few hours since i sat still in contemplation of this topic. so right here and right now, i feel good about my past, the events were the events and judging them in hindsight will foster my serenity or spiritual growth. so i do believe i will move on, get some stuff done and see how the day goes. it is a good thing to have a past, i can see that today, and i can be grateful for the peace of mind i get that it is part of knowing that my past is a gift not a stone that needs to be pushed up the hill to be resolved.
of course, that is an exaggeration, for the most part, all of my past has been resolved, and most of the time, when i find myself in rehashing the past in dark and dank ways, i can catch myself and do a reality check, the same is also true of when i am euphorically recalling those days and events. the relativity of it all, depends on how i happen to be feeling at any given time., and what i happen to see as my part in the world around me, BUT the most important part of this discussion, is no matter what i feel, it is important that i allow myself to be a tool for a HIGHER POWER and share whatever happens to come out of my mouth, unedited.
so how do i see my past this morning>? well, i have been pounding away at work since six-thirty, and it has been a few hours since i sat still in contemplation of this topic. so right here and right now, i feel good about my past, the events were the events and judging them in hindsight will foster my serenity or spiritual growth. so i do believe i will move on, get some stuff done and see how the day goes. it is a good thing to have a past, i can see that today, and i can be grateful for the peace of mind i get that it is part of knowing that my past is a gift not a stone that needs to be pushed up the hill to be resolved.
∞ DT ∞