โ i thought that i would always be regretful and simply have to find a way to live with my regrets. โ
Posted: Sat, Apr 7, 2007 08:23:36 AM
on the contrary, i find that my past represents an untapped gold mine the first time i am called on to share it with a struggling newcomer.
what this is saying to me, is that regretting my past is a time-consuming, wasteful and unnecessary manner of living. what this does not say to me is that i need to forget my past either. the experience of my life up to the point when recovery became my choice is a valuable resource for me in many ways, but most importantly it may be the bit of identification a newcomer may need to find the HOPE they need to accept recovery. after all it is hard for someone trying to get clean or even in early recovery to believe that i was ever any different than i am today. from appearances i look like one of those normal folk who never used a drop or shot of anything ever in their life. i have material gifts, i work every day to meet my commitments, i practice the spiritual principle of responsibility and i am not nearly as crazed as i was when i stepped into the rooms. so i could see how my past experience with active addiction and early recovery could be used as a tool to allow someone else to see that the program works.
i have also worked three fifth steps and as a result have come to terms with my past. i did what i did because i choose to do so. yes i was in active addiction, and yes i did whatever it took to find the ways and means to use, and yes i was not a very nice or even caring person back in the day. all of that is irrelevant to me now, but the experience when shared one-on-one or even in a meeting is now way beyond value. it took all of that and much much more, to get me to choose to live a life in recovery and today i am grateful for my gift of the past. it is after all been bought and paid for and it is the one thing that is uniquely mine!
what this is saying to me, is that regretting my past is a time-consuming, wasteful and unnecessary manner of living. what this does not say to me is that i need to forget my past either. the experience of my life up to the point when recovery became my choice is a valuable resource for me in many ways, but most importantly it may be the bit of identification a newcomer may need to find the HOPE they need to accept recovery. after all it is hard for someone trying to get clean or even in early recovery to believe that i was ever any different than i am today. from appearances i look like one of those normal folk who never used a drop or shot of anything ever in their life. i have material gifts, i work every day to meet my commitments, i practice the spiritual principle of responsibility and i am not nearly as crazed as i was when i stepped into the rooms. so i could see how my past experience with active addiction and early recovery could be used as a tool to allow someone else to see that the program works.
i have also worked three fifth steps and as a result have come to terms with my past. i did what i did because i choose to do so. yes i was in active addiction, and yes i did whatever it took to find the ways and means to use, and yes i was not a very nice or even caring person back in the day. all of that is irrelevant to me now, but the experience when shared one-on-one or even in a meeting is now way beyond value. it took all of that and much much more, to get me to choose to live a life in recovery and today i am grateful for my gift of the past. it is after all been bought and paid for and it is the one thing that is uniquely mine!
∞ DT ∞