Blog entry for:

by laying it all out on paper, i give myself the chance to sort through what is bothering me. or maybe, just maybe, i will uncover a truth, pleasant or unpleasant, about who i am and where i fit in the world where i happen to find myself. yes i am resistant to writing, after all, there is some small comfort in never leaving a paper trail behind. i understand that old behavior, and if i am not committing anything to paper, than my sponse cannot come back at a later time, saying something like, you told me you wrote about this, let me see your notebook.
actually, this particular exercise, does wonders for me, although this does not count as writing, in my opinion. i understand the difference in the connection i have with what i am writing when i have a pen in my hand, and i am committing my feelings to paper. that certainly does not apply when i am typing away at a keyboard doing a random mind dump. i know how transitory this can be and in a moment’s i can wipe all of this away and after some time it will fade from the memory of the internet.
but back to the topic at hand, writing about it. honestly after i get down to the task at hand, i really do feel much better. i am not one of those who likes to journal, although this blog could be considered a journal of sorts, just a helluva lot more public than writing in my room. due to the nature of this particular forum, one would not expect to see real inventory stuff here, and if you do, you will end up sorely disappointed. what i write here, is whatever thoughts and ideas i happen to have when i sit down after practicing part of my 11th step. so as disconnected and seemingly random as this may seem, it is without a doubt the flow of consciousness as i start out my day.
writing assignments, at least the ones i get, are supposed to have the same feel, whatever pops into my mind when i sit down. i am, however, like a lawyer, and use hundreds of words to write something down when dozens are more than sufficient. there is some need inside of me, to explain, explain, then rationalize and finally justify when i am writing on an assignment. that need has diminished lately, mostly because my sponse insists that i answer the question sin a few words as possible, with little or no thought before preceding. definitely more like this exercise, than how i was taught to write way back in the those dim ages of early recovery.
so anyhow, i am ready to hit the streets for a brief jaunt and then on to getting some stuff accomplished so i can productive today. after all it is all part of living in the here and now!

∞ DT ∞