ฮผ the longer i stay clean, the steeper and narrower my path seems to become. ฮผ
Posted: Wed, May 13, 2009 08:26:31 AM
no matter how difficult the road becomes, no matter how narrow, how winding the turns, there is hope. that hope lies in my spiritual progression. so this morning, i read this reading, much earlier than i planned and actually settled very nicely to contemplate what i heard. the next thing you know i was at work, pounding away on the keyboard and realizing that i had not retained one iota of the reading or my meditation session.
dang it! i hate when that happens. so now it is time to step back from the pile of unfinished projects on my desk and see what it is that i did head.
BRB
okay so i hear three themes -- FAITH, HOPE and ACCEPTANCE that lead to an understanding of another small part of the "BIG PICTURE."
well i do not have any illusions about what i know about that BIG PICTURE, there was a time when i was certain and would explain to anyone, willing or unwilling, what i saw. today that certainty has been replaced by FAITH in the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS. for some reason the shorthand is not working for me this morning, so HP it must be. as i think about this reading across the course of my recovery, i am struck by how trivial i found it at times, then a year later how terribly profound it was. profound or trivial, this morning it does not matter, what i am feeling is a sense of awe about what i see as my place in the world. yes in a few days, i must once again face the people with whom i have more than a problem or two, in fact one of those people will be in my face this evening. i see them and i instantly go to what they are and are not doing. i know that is a diversion form what i am being told to do -- namely look to myself and my recovery work, which is currently languishing under an inch of dust.
…but as i am ever so fond of saying so it goes…
what i also am feeling this morning is that as long as i see my part; accept who i am: an addict in recovery; and move forward with what i NEED to do, that the twists and turns of this particular branch of my recovery journey will pass. you know, i used to think that when i heard members saying to keep coming back life would get, well, different, i though that they meant better, but as i am discovering different means just that different, and for me that is a good thing. my life may not be getting better, BUT if i continue to apply the diligence to my recovery program that i have in the past, i will continue to get better, and then the HOPE is that i can accept, more easily, the curve balls life happens to pitch at me.
so off to the streets and into this beautiful morning. life is too short to sit here and whine about what is up, there are more than enough people in my life who seem to believe that is their task, sio i will leave that up to them.
dang it! i hate when that happens. so now it is time to step back from the pile of unfinished projects on my desk and see what it is that i did head.
BRB
okay so i hear three themes -- FAITH, HOPE and ACCEPTANCE that lead to an understanding of another small part of the "BIG PICTURE."
well i do not have any illusions about what i know about that BIG PICTURE, there was a time when i was certain and would explain to anyone, willing or unwilling, what i saw. today that certainty has been replaced by FAITH in the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS. for some reason the shorthand is not working for me this morning, so HP it must be. as i think about this reading across the course of my recovery, i am struck by how trivial i found it at times, then a year later how terribly profound it was. profound or trivial, this morning it does not matter, what i am feeling is a sense of awe about what i see as my place in the world. yes in a few days, i must once again face the people with whom i have more than a problem or two, in fact one of those people will be in my face this evening. i see them and i instantly go to what they are and are not doing. i know that is a diversion form what i am being told to do -- namely look to myself and my recovery work, which is currently languishing under an inch of dust.
…but as i am ever so fond of saying so it goes…
what i also am feeling this morning is that as long as i see my part; accept who i am: an addict in recovery; and move forward with what i NEED to do, that the twists and turns of this particular branch of my recovery journey will pass. you know, i used to think that when i heard members saying to keep coming back life would get, well, different, i though that they meant better, but as i am discovering different means just that different, and for me that is a good thing. my life may not be getting better, BUT if i continue to apply the diligence to my recovery program that i have in the past, i will continue to get better, and then the HOPE is that i can accept, more easily, the curve balls life happens to pitch at me.
so off to the streets and into this beautiful morning. life is too short to sit here and whine about what is up, there are more than enough people in my life who seem to believe that is their task, sio i will leave that up to them.
∞ DT ∞