Blog entry for:

**the exact nature of my wrongs** and the part they had played in making me who i was. okay this morning what i felt was the preaching to the choir again. sure i made mistakes, i hurt others and generally made the world that much more miserable when i am acting out of my defects of character, that is unchanged from active addiction, although it is greatly diminished. the acting-out part, not the damage it creates. the trick for me is to balance what i think i need to do, with what i really out to be doing, based on my knowledge of who i am, and how i react to certain situations as they arise in my day to day living.
all of this is given, and i could of course fall back on the good old rationalization that i am after all, only human. if i still need a bit more help in this matter, the next part goes, and i am still an addict, no matter how much clean time i have. i have used those two rationalizations to justify all sorts of insanity. so the question this morning is although that may be true, do i really wish to continue to have to make that sort of justification for my behavior? or perhaps do i want to make an effort to grow into the sort of person that i have always wanted to be? the direction of that effort is given to me daily, and i have a choice of whether i want to act-out in my default behavior or try and live in a manner that is in concordance with my desire to be the man i have always wanted to be, whatever that happens to look like. that is the choice that is given to me, by the steps and those who walked this road before me, and even those who have just started on this journey as well. my choice today? to move beyond my defective character and consciously make the choice to be more that i was yesterday. so with that note of hope, i will move on into this beautiful Sunday morning.

∞ DT ∞