Blog entry for:
Fri, Jun 12, 2009 01:33:06 PM
μ by the time i reached the end of my road, i had lost all hope for a life without the use of drugs μ
posted: Fri, Jun 12, 2009 01:33:06 PM
i believed i was destined to die from our disease. or maybe at least die while still a using addict. anyhow i have bunches to write about, starting with the entry i tried to add from my phone, i apologize for that, technology won, and i lost. anyhow soon it will be gone.
so after a whirlwind trip to Spokane, a day with my cousins ,uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, and parents, i am glad to be home for another week or so. i am a bit concerned that i am not grieving as i expect, but i am certain, that things are moving as they should, and what needs to happen inside is.
i am also a bit concerned about getting enough work done over the next week, what will happen when i meet my mail sponsee face-to-face tomorrow and if i will get back in the groove after a day off.
all of that is out of my power, except perhaps the amount of work i get done. so instead of twisting about all of that, i think i will go on with the topic at hand -- becoming a vision of hope by finding hope.
honestly HOPE was not something i thought i would ever have, nor was it something i thought i desired. the cynical pragmatist within was certain that was just as it was going to be, so be happy don’t worry. Hope was not something i even got at my first meeting, after all, all i wanted was to be free from the chains of the justice system and not the desire to use. so imagine what a surprise it was to me, the day i woke up at the start of my SECOND Step and found that what i desired most was a HOPE that i could lose the desire to use, and maybe figure out a way back to the life that i was quickly leaving behind. as i progressed up the road of recovery those became mutually exclusive and i gave up the notion of returning to active addiction and set forth upon a path of recovery that has continued unabated to this day.
well i need to get some work done, so just let me say, i HOPE that i can offer other addicts the chance to feel as i do, that this life is worth the works it takes to sustain it, and that if i can be in recovery so can they. so back to the grind.
so after a whirlwind trip to Spokane, a day with my cousins ,uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, and parents, i am glad to be home for another week or so. i am a bit concerned that i am not grieving as i expect, but i am certain, that things are moving as they should, and what needs to happen inside is.
i am also a bit concerned about getting enough work done over the next week, what will happen when i meet my mail sponsee face-to-face tomorrow and if i will get back in the groove after a day off.
all of that is out of my power, except perhaps the amount of work i get done. so instead of twisting about all of that, i think i will go on with the topic at hand -- becoming a vision of hope by finding hope.
honestly HOPE was not something i thought i would ever have, nor was it something i thought i desired. the cynical pragmatist within was certain that was just as it was going to be, so be happy don’t worry. Hope was not something i even got at my first meeting, after all, all i wanted was to be free from the chains of the justice system and not the desire to use. so imagine what a surprise it was to me, the day i woke up at the start of my SECOND Step and found that what i desired most was a HOPE that i could lose the desire to use, and maybe figure out a way back to the life that i was quickly leaving behind. as i progressed up the road of recovery those became mutually exclusive and i gave up the notion of returning to active addiction and set forth upon a path of recovery that has continued unabated to this day.
well i need to get some work done, so just let me say, i HOPE that i can offer other addicts the chance to feel as i do, that this life is worth the works it takes to sustain it, and that if i can be in recovery so can they. so back to the grind.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
α a clean addict is, indeed, a vision of hope ω 226 words ➥ Monday, June 12, 2006 by: donnot∞ yes, the newcomer sometimes places me on a pedestal. it is good, though, ∞ 460 words ➥ Tuesday, June 12, 2007 by: donnot
α what an inspiration it was, then, coming to my first meeting … 251 words ➥ Thursday, June 12, 2008 by: donnot
¢ it is good, to openly admit the nature of my struggles in recovery ¢ 479 words ➥ Saturday, June 12, 2010 by: donnot
√ yes, i am a vision of hope √ 658 words ➥ Sunday, June 12, 2011 by: donnot
∀ newcomers often want what i have found ∀ 720 words ➥ Tuesday, June 12, 2012 by: donnot
¢ i will remember that i am a beacon ¢ 589 words ➥ Wednesday, June 12, 2013 by: donnot
√ by the time i reached the end of my road, √ 785 words ➥ Thursday, June 12, 2014 by: donnot
“ rose coloured glasses ” 735 words ➥ Friday, June 12, 2015 by: donnot
🌈 a vision 🍀 629 words ➥ Sunday, June 12, 2016 by: donnot
😈 a newcomer may, 😇 869 words ➥ Monday, June 12, 2017 by: donnot
🚧 my struggles 🚑 706 words ➥ Tuesday, June 12, 2018 by: donnot
💊 destined to die 🍸 557 words ➥ Wednesday, June 12, 2019 by: donnot
🍦 on a pedestal, 🍨 387 words ➥ Friday, June 12, 2020 by: donnot
🤔 what have 😎 465 words ➥ Saturday, June 12, 2021 by: donnot
🏟 yes, 🏟 356 words ➥ Sunday, June 12, 2022 by: donnot
😶 kindness 😶 616 words ➥ Monday, June 12, 2023 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
4) Therefore the (ruling) sage acts without claiming the results as
his; he achieves his merit and does not rest (arrogantly) in it:--he
does not wish to display his superiority.