Blog entry for:

i would have to move on. only then did i begin to experience the freedom of an awakening spirit. well i am not one of those that believe that the eternal and infinite inventory then share cycle is where i want to live, in fact i do not believe that i was one of those kind of people. i could go on about how "those people" do this and that, but it not worth my time this morning, so catch me on another day.
what i did hear this morning, is using stalling tactics to keep myself from moving on, which i am quite familiar with in my brand of working the steps.

but before i forget, CONGRATULATIONS on 22 years clean, Chuck C

okay where was i. that is right stalling tactics to keep from moving on, and how i use them. the nice part of these tactics for me, is that i can give the appearance that i am actually doing something, which is what doing the infinite inventory cycle would be about, if i was prone to go into that pattern. if i get right down to it, i have been sitting between steps 11 and 12 for about 90 days now. or have i? i did formally sit down with my sponse in June and go over my ELEVENTH STEP work, so technically that is when the clock started. a few vacations, some daily practice, and a little bit of being present with what has and is going on with me later, i am finally coming to the place where i understand where i have been, and where i am now, and got a clue or two about where i may be going. has this been a stalling tactic, to keep from starting a new step cycle? perhaps. this morning i FEEL no burning need to rush through STEP 12, but i do feel a burning need to actually start to move into it. i tell myself i have been waiting for clarity on the spiritual awakening i have been going through, and that without that knowledge it is pointless to move on. so in that sense, i am stalling. waiting for that clarity has kept me from reading the literature and preparing to work Step 12. the feeling i am getting now, is that i am at the end of my grace for this particular step rest cycle, and the time has come to formally move on. did i already say that? i am sure, as there are mornings when all i seem to want to do is fill up space, and perhaps this is one of those mornings. so instead of repeating myself ad nauseum. i will close with this thought; time to make the spiritual donuts and move on, after all, if i want to continue to grow, i have to do what i can to make that growth possible.

∞ DT ∞