Blog entry for:
Thu, Oct 8, 2009 09:34:40 AM
∞ my recovery program gives me a new pattern of living to replace my old routines ∞
posted: Thu, Oct 8, 2009 09:34:40 AM
with that new pattern comes a new meaning to my life, one of light and hope. well this morning i have been dealing with technology issues that are very frustrating, my phone, my computer and on and on. it is hard to see a new pattern when i cannot move forward with the tasks that are on my desk. in fact, if i was still in active addiction i would have already been so high that i would be feeling absolutely no frustration. wait a second, IF i was still in active addiction i would not have these issues to deal with anyhow. i would probably not have the career i have, nor would i have a cool cell phone, much less two computers so i can work whether or not one is acting out. the gifts that i have been given in recovery are the cause of my frustration this morning, and instead of whining about the problems i have been having, i feel the NEED to express my gratitude that at least i have the means to stay clean today, and most of all work towards a solution to the problems i am dealing with.
so let me get back into a new state…
…okay, that did help. i feel a little bit calmer, and a bit more stable.
so anyhow the old patterns of active addiction versus the new patterns of active recovery. i guess the choice is mine on a moment by moment basis. i can allow myself to get swept up in the emotions of unmet expectations and the frustrations and resentments that brings, or i can do as i just did -- take a moment, clear my head, and allow myself a bit of conscious contact, so that i can once again surrender to the flow of what is happening instead of forcing the issue. i know i will be updating my computer in less than two weeks to a brand spanking new operating system, i also know that it had been having issues over the past two weeks that really need to be resolved by a wipe and reinstall, so perhaps today is the day when i have to bite the bullet and take some action. or whatever.
right now i am going to run out and take care of some errands and allow whatever need to happen with the computer to happen. perhaps when i get back i will be able to move on.
after all, beating my head against a wall is a very silly thing to do. part of that old pattern and not how i want to live today.
so let me get back into a new state…
…okay, that did help. i feel a little bit calmer, and a bit more stable.
so anyhow the old patterns of active addiction versus the new patterns of active recovery. i guess the choice is mine on a moment by moment basis. i can allow myself to get swept up in the emotions of unmet expectations and the frustrations and resentments that brings, or i can do as i just did -- take a moment, clear my head, and allow myself a bit of conscious contact, so that i can once again surrender to the flow of what is happening instead of forcing the issue. i know i will be updating my computer in less than two weeks to a brand spanking new operating system, i also know that it had been having issues over the past two weeks that really need to be resolved by a wipe and reinstall, so perhaps today is the day when i have to bite the bullet and take some action. or whatever.
right now i am going to run out and take care of some errands and allow whatever need to happen with the computer to happen. perhaps when i get back i will be able to move on.
after all, beating my head against a wall is a very silly thing to do. part of that old pattern and not how i want to live today.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
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— a dark, diseased meaning, to be sure , 593 words ➥ Wednesday, October 8, 2014 by: donnot
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☀ regular maintenance ☼ 586 words ➥ Saturday, October 8, 2016 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
4) Therefore the sage knows (these things) of himself, but does not
parade (his knowledge); loves, but does not (appear to set a) value
on, himself. And thus he puts the latter alternative away and makes
choice of the former.