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such an experience delivers a strong dose of humility and my first reaction usually shock and anger, yet i recognize the truth when i hear it. it has been quite some time since i willingly skipped breakfast and my morning dose of go-go juice. the irony is, now that i am in recovery i do things like 12 hour fasts before running for my annual lab work, because i desire to live a full life. when i was using breakfast was never on my agenda, and 12 hour fasts were the norm rather than the exception. what does any of this have to do with rude awakenings leading to spiritual awakenings? i am not quite sure, but i do believe i will run with it.
i have had some pretty awful things said to me, by members with the sort of recovery i want. in the long run, what they were saying actually saved my life and the awfulness i felt turned into gratitude that they took the time and effort to show they cared. i, in my own turn have also said some rude things, that i have seen some of those i have said them to take action upon. i have a sponsee who relapsed, and as a sponsor, i said some very harsh things the other night, things that were calculated to force him off the fence on way or another. now i am just waiting to see what effect my words and suggestions actually had on him. patience is not my strong suit, at least when it comes to my interpersonal relationships, i want to see what i want to see, and i want to see it NOW. so as i wait, i am of course second-guessing myself. that whole set of mental masturbation, of course, sets me up for a chain of self-destructive behaviors. which of course, will lead to my further self-degradation that if unchecked will make using seem like a reasonable alternative. so as i jump in the shower and get one step closer to breakfast, i do believe i will pause, let myself be okay and see what this day brings. it is after all a good day to be clean,

∞ DT ∞