Blog entry for:
Fri, Jun 11, 2010 08:44:31 AM
⊥ today, i have a chance to feel clean by living clean ⊥
posted: Fri, Jun 11, 2010 08:44:31 AM
living clean starts with not using, but as i stay **clean** and work the Twelve Steps, i discover another kind of clean the kind i can only get from living a program of recovery.
it is a wonderful feeling to start my day not wondering about who is out to get back at me for what i did yesterday. sure i may still tromp on a few feelings, make a few people angry, i understand that and that is part of me being human. HOWEVER, as i have discovered, the clean feeling i get, is that for the most part, i am not plagued by a guilty conscience, now that i have one, about how i acted.
so enough of the choir boy stuff, yeah i am clean, yeah i do my best to live a program of active recovery, and yeah all of that is great. what is really going on today? well, i have work for the client i hate working for the most. i have to repeat the stuff i did last week in hell week, as he is once again moving servers, plus i have to deal with the installing some new stuff for him, YUCK! that means i will be on the phone from 11 to whenever trying to get it right. after thinking about the letter from my former sponsee for 36 hours, i know what i need to say in reply. my emotions have been clarified and have settled down, so i can write what i need to, and perhaps he will actually understand what i am saying, there is always HOPE. the lack of motivation i have been struggling with for the past 10 days, is finally starting to fade, and i feel ready to return to living for reals, not just the appearance of living. which means that a call to my sponsor is in the cards, as well as some book work to see where i am at in the step process i am currently embarked upon. it also means a call to the doctor's office to schedule my every other year procedure. anyhow, with all of that on my plate, i do believe i will hit the dusty trail and get a bit of exercise completed before the rain starts, as the nice and sunny morning that greeted me when i awoke, is fast fading into gray. oh yeah, just for today, i will do my damnedest to live according the the values that the program was uncovered within me.
it is a wonderful feeling to start my day not wondering about who is out to get back at me for what i did yesterday. sure i may still tromp on a few feelings, make a few people angry, i understand that and that is part of me being human. HOWEVER, as i have discovered, the clean feeling i get, is that for the most part, i am not plagued by a guilty conscience, now that i have one, about how i acted.
so enough of the choir boy stuff, yeah i am clean, yeah i do my best to live a program of active recovery, and yeah all of that is great. what is really going on today? well, i have work for the client i hate working for the most. i have to repeat the stuff i did last week in hell week, as he is once again moving servers, plus i have to deal with the installing some new stuff for him, YUCK! that means i will be on the phone from 11 to whenever trying to get it right. after thinking about the letter from my former sponsee for 36 hours, i know what i need to say in reply. my emotions have been clarified and have settled down, so i can write what i need to, and perhaps he will actually understand what i am saying, there is always HOPE. the lack of motivation i have been struggling with for the past 10 days, is finally starting to fade, and i feel ready to return to living for reals, not just the appearance of living. which means that a call to my sponsor is in the cards, as well as some book work to see where i am at in the step process i am currently embarked upon. it also means a call to the doctor's office to schedule my every other year procedure. anyhow, with all of that on my plate, i do believe i will hit the dusty trail and get a bit of exercise completed before the rain starts, as the nice and sunny morning that greeted me when i awoke, is fast fading into gray. oh yeah, just for today, i will do my damnedest to live according the the values that the program was uncovered within me.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
2) (Conceived of as) having no name, it is the Originator of heaven
and earth; (conceived of as) having a name, it is the Mother of all
things.