๐ต as i learn ๐ต
Posted: Wed, Jun 11, 2025 06:39:08 AM
the benefits of being flexible in my thinking, i begin to trust my intuition and believe that not every thought or notion i have, is rooted in the part of me i call addiction. since the dawn of time in my recovery journey, i have heard time and again from my peers, recovery comedians and addiction counselors that my first thought is always wrong. in fact, some of my peers who have more clean time than i do, seem to live in abject fear that everything they think and do, is rooted in addiction. i certainly know that the fellowship that has given me this new manner in which to live, encourages me to think creatively about my life. i also know that more than one of my peers, whom i trust and respect have told me point blank, that i no longer have to fear what i think, as i have done the work that has given me the freedom to trust my intuition. those conflicting messages, create a bit of cognitive dissonance, through which i have to learn to discern reality from hyperbole and utter nonsense.
as i sat this morning, the stuff that came from the depths was a bit of an inventory comparing where my first thought was wrong and when it was not, in recent times. amazingly, the answer i kept arriving at was that ninety-nine times out of one hundred, i “knew” and did the next right thing, without having to stop and ponder over whether it was correct or not. i have arrived at a place in my recovery, where i almost auto-magically do the next right thing and the messages i get from my peers on that topic, may not apply, my first thought, at least these days, is almost always correct.
before i break my arm, patting myself on the back, it is also true that when i react to a situation, nine times out of ten, my first though is certainly wrong. i also have to state that i did not arrive at being this way, without doing the work suggested by the men who sponsored me and by following the suggestions of my peers. as i become more comfortable in the skin i am wearing and learn to live a life that is based on spiritual principles, that part of me i call addiction, gets quieter and quieter, and of course more insidious than ever. those whispers now take the success i have had in living a better life and using it as a template for celebrating my “graduation” from my recovery journey, after all, it says…
just for today, i will celebrate the fact that i am clean and i have a path forward, even though there are huge changes looming in my near future. i may keep buying those silly lotto tickets on the slim hope that maybe, just maybe, i will win something big. i will not, however, rely on that pipe dream to finance my future and i may start looking for a different sort of job to keep the lights on. today, however, i can trust in myself and the POWER that fuels my recoverty to get all that i need.
as i sat this morning, the stuff that came from the depths was a bit of an inventory comparing where my first thought was wrong and when it was not, in recent times. amazingly, the answer i kept arriving at was that ninety-nine times out of one hundred, i “knew” and did the next right thing, without having to stop and ponder over whether it was correct or not. i have arrived at a place in my recovery, where i almost auto-magically do the next right thing and the messages i get from my peers on that topic, may not apply, my first thought, at least these days, is almost always correct.
before i break my arm, patting myself on the back, it is also true that when i react to a situation, nine times out of ten, my first though is certainly wrong. i also have to state that i did not arrive at being this way, without doing the work suggested by the men who sponsored me and by following the suggestions of my peers. as i become more comfortable in the skin i am wearing and learn to live a life that is based on spiritual principles, that part of me i call addiction, gets quieter and quieter, and of course more insidious than ever. those whispers now take the success i have had in living a better life and using it as a template for celebrating my “graduation” from my recovery journey, after all, it says…
just for today, i will celebrate the fact that i am clean and i have a path forward, even though there are huge changes looming in my near future. i may keep buying those silly lotto tickets on the slim hope that maybe, just maybe, i will win something big. i will not, however, rely on that pipe dream to finance my future and i may start looking for a different sort of job to keep the lights on. today, however, i can trust in myself and the POWER that fuels my recoverty to get all that i need.
∞ DT ∞