well, as i continue to write through my THIRD STEP, i find these little exercise in defining the shape of my spiritual direction to be enlightening. not that i need tons and tons of light shed upon this issue, nor do i need to rehash the old stuff that brought me to my understanding today. i can say, in summary, that after a long and winding road, i am basically right back to where i started.
no i am not an arrogant agnostic trying my best to disqualify himself from a collection of superstitious peasants. nor have i become a “GOD hater,” as i once was when i first approached this concept. no after my uncovery journey, i have found that the POWER that fuels my recovery is more than an adequate understanding to base my FAITH upon.
since i have arrive at a break in my thoughts, the first rest stop as it were, it is time to say:
Congrats on 28 years clean, Carlos,
Thank you for putting up with me!
i do not find it coincidental that i happen to be working a THIRD STEP and that the portion i happen to have written on this morning was turning it over. i am certain, that no matter where i was in my step journey, i would have found this reading appropriate. what it does do, is focus on where i am going in this step cycle. i have been kind of floating here, waiting for direction, as the direction that seemed to be indicated when i started these steps seems to be fading out of focus as new events overtake me in my life. i am now starting to see, that my reexamination of my early recovery has been essential for determining where i am going, and although there is no map, i am starting to have more than a bit of FAITH, that all i have to do is move forward and everything will be alright. i am also getting a clue, that perhaps today would be a good day to take off from running. it is true that it is not snowing all that bad right now, and there is very little wind, BUT in my gut i sense that getting stuff done on the front side is perhaps a better choice this morning. once again, moving into the uncharted territory of going on FAITH and not CERTAINTY. it is a good day to be clean, and in this ever more complicated world, for me simplifying rather than complicating is a good idea. the whole notion of having to define a HIGHER POWER, while once so attractive to me, has become something that i can see, limits instead of increase my understanding of that concept. every time i define, i put a boundary around the limitless POWER that fuels my recovery. every time i try and draw a picture of the face of GOD, i impose my will on the one POWER that has been constantly part of my life, even before i could detect that IT was working in my life, for my betterment. it is a great day and i do believe it is time to get moving forward. i am grateful that the fellowship that provides my spiritual direction is truly neutral on this issue and not just paying lip service while pushing a not so subtle religious bias. it is nice to know that i am on a spiritual path of my own choosing following the guidelines and suggestions of those who have gone before me, one day at a time.
∞ DT ∞
