Γ° the more straightforward i am about my own ideas and desires Γ°
Posted: Sun, Dec 4, 2011 09:35:22 AM
the easier it will be to distinguish between my own will and that of the POWER that fuels my recovery. the test of the wills or at least writing about them today, seems to be on tap. i am not sure how his will go, but i do know that this has been a recurring theme for me, ever since i started working STEP THREE quite a while ago, and yet it feels like only yesterday, that i finally understood what it was i needed to understand to move into STEP FOUR. perhaps it was, as this morning i see things in an different light. i hate to admit it took a trip of nearly 500 miles, a day of service, hanging out with some of my favorite addicts in the world and spending a couple hours in a bar enjoying a cigar with one those addicts for me to awaken to the notion that the wills are at battle, and as a result i am drifting further and further off course. it is not like the danger of using has substantially increased, or that i am ready to walk out of the rooms and leave this whole recovery gig behind, you know start to live the life this program of recovery has given me. although the latter is certainly an appealing notion, especially since i am currently without a home group to call my own.
while all of that is true, what i see this morning is that even though it appears like my self will is aligned to my own TRUE will for myself, that is seldom the case. yes, i bought a POWERBALL ticket up here in Idaho, and you know what, although it seems like a good idea at the time, why i would decide to waste a buck in Idaho, that i would not waste in Colorado, is beyond me, this morning. why i would choose to spend my own money to come up here, when not all that long ago, i could not see any way to catch up with my debts, is also beyond me. the POWERBALL ticket may be self-will, the trip to Idaho, feels like my own true will for myself, which is more and more often aligned with the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery for me. just as i am certain, that because i ASKED and actually listened, i found a way to once again support myself in a style that is not only adequate, but comfortable. i do not know what is coming down the pike, and this morning i do not care. what i do know, is that whatever it is, good, bad or indifferent, it will be exactly what i NEED at that particular slice of the time-space continuum. today, at least right here and right now i call walk in confidence that i am on the RIGHT path, that i have the correct information to continue on my journey and that no matter what happens my back will be covered.
with that thought in mind it is time to hop in the shower, and head on out to claim my FREE breakfast buffet. what is coming next? well a bit of work, a check-out, a trip to the airport and flight home, some more work, step work with a sponsee and a meeting and not necessarily in that order! at least that is my plan for today, i think i will allow events to unfold as they will and see what the plan of the POWER that fuels my recovery happens to be.
while all of that is true, what i see this morning is that even though it appears like my self will is aligned to my own TRUE will for myself, that is seldom the case. yes, i bought a POWERBALL ticket up here in Idaho, and you know what, although it seems like a good idea at the time, why i would decide to waste a buck in Idaho, that i would not waste in Colorado, is beyond me, this morning. why i would choose to spend my own money to come up here, when not all that long ago, i could not see any way to catch up with my debts, is also beyond me. the POWERBALL ticket may be self-will, the trip to Idaho, feels like my own true will for myself, which is more and more often aligned with the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery for me. just as i am certain, that because i ASKED and actually listened, i found a way to once again support myself in a style that is not only adequate, but comfortable. i do not know what is coming down the pike, and this morning i do not care. what i do know, is that whatever it is, good, bad or indifferent, it will be exactly what i NEED at that particular slice of the time-space continuum. today, at least right here and right now i call walk in confidence that i am on the RIGHT path, that i have the correct information to continue on my journey and that no matter what happens my back will be covered.
with that thought in mind it is time to hop in the shower, and head on out to claim my FREE breakfast buffet. what is coming next? well a bit of work, a check-out, a trip to the airport and flight home, some more work, step work with a sponsee and a meeting and not necessarily in that order! at least that is my plan for today, i think i will allow events to unfold as they will and see what the plan of the POWER that fuels my recovery happens to be.
∞ DT ∞