Blog entry for:

that fuels my recovery and to trust the inner direction it provides me. well good morning all from over in Boulder. i decided to chance the roads and ended up at work, on time, intact and actually much less stressed than i normally am, even though the snow and ice had piled up on the roads. the seed i chose over 90 minutes ago, no longer seemed appropriate, and for some reason did not get updated to the cloud, so now i am going with what is on my mind now, so it goes.
the gig of surrendering to the care of a that POWER, is something that has been hard won for me, and yet, now that i am getting better at it, i see the lunacy of resisting for so long. and of course, resistance was futile, at least for me, i have been assimilated. all of that is old news and not what i really heard on my slide over to Boulder this morning.
it is that quiet inner voice that i think i want to write about this morning. the reading was spot on about not being able to trust my intuition, way back when. even in early recovery, what i heard was far from reliable, after all the cliché goes: the part of me i call addiction will lie to me about reality, creating a wall of denial and isolation. it has taken time, hard work and lots and lots of practice to get that voice to become dependable, not the voice of the part of me i call addiction, but the voice of my own true will. even today, there are times, i wonder if all i am hearing is my own self-will wrapped in the guise of spiritual principles.the fear, uncertainty and doubt, i feel in those times, and they happen more often than i care to admit, drives me to be selfish and self-centered. all of sudden every other word out of my mouth is i want, i need i am gonna get it! when i finally snap my head out of my posterior orifice, i get the relief. anyhow, as i seem to have stuff on my plate here at work, i think i will log off and just get my butt working.

∞ DT ∞