Blog entry for:

knowing they are just as important as i am. well sometimes i get this quite backwards, thinking that others are more important than i am. the reading speaks about the core of addiction, self-obsession, and in this holiday season, i can certainly see evidence of how true that actually may still be. just be clear here, this not going to be a self-bashing tirade of how badly obsessed with self i am, although this daily exercise could be viewed as a self-obsessed act, if i choose to go that direction. this is not going to be how self-absorbed others are, either, although there are plenty of examples in my life of members with years and years and years clean, who are a great example of what happens as one drops living the steps from me's life. what i am talking about this morning is how, as i grow up in the fellowship i am learning what it means to be a part of the world and not feeling entitled to anything. well that sis a conditional statement, i am entitled to the opportunity to live a life free from active addiction, BUT that is a choice i need to make on a daily basis, and one with a set of consequences of its own. it amazes me, this morning, how entitled i once believed i was. it amazes me how pissed off i used to get when i did not get what i was entitles to. the worse part, looking at it from this vantage point is how much i denied that was anything but the absolute TRUTH!
growing up to see that although i may be the center of the universe, the universe does not revolve around me, and does not exist solely to meet my needs. i share the universe with all the other centers of the universe and for the most part it is an intersection of perspectives and not a union, thinking back to all those silly VENN diagrams i once knew very well. with me competing for my share of this finite, yet unlimited pie, rather than cooperating, i continue to live in the self-obsession that characterized my active addiction. i get easily contused by the vastness of it all, and when i do, i start to grab was much as i possibly can grab, as fast as i possibly can. as a result i end up with a hole lot of nothing save the frustration of not getting enough!
the reading reminds me, that today i have a choice and although it felt like i was not going to fulfill my plan and arrive on time anywhere, the universe had a very pleasant surprise for me, everything has worked out better than i could have hop0ed for, up until this point. so i guess, since i am getting what i think i want, it is easy to let go of self-obsession and move on. the real trick will come when i step off the bus and hit the office, and i can allow myself to feel the freedom i have this morning. so time to move on to read what is happening in the outside world, as that too is part of the universe i have been given.

∞ DT ∞