โ i seek to see myself as i truly am, โ
Posted: Thu, Dec 29, 2011 07:50:02 AM
i will listen to what others say about me, and see myself through their eyes.
so i am way behind schedule this morning, and am just now getting around to writing this. i had some messes to clean-up and still have a few more to deal with by the time i get home tonight,
this is one of those two-edged swords for me. one of the defects that has always played a HUGE part in my life is keeping up appearances and acting as if i knew what others thought about the real me. judging myself through the eyes of others, to be succinct. so i could certainly run down that path with this reading.
what i heard instead, was that i am the very last person to see that i am not spiritually fit. i am the very last person to see that i am being arrogant, conceited, pushy or aggressive. those two facts are more than likely part of just being human, but have been warped by the NEED of the part of me i call addiction to protect me form the rest of the world. even with a TENTH STEP, i still need outside feedback from my trusted peers. as much as i dislike it, it is a fact for me, IF I WANT to continue to grow into the person i can become.
as dawn breaks, i realize this morning that i have much to be grateful for, and even more to look forward to. there is a gnawing sense of HOPE, that no matter how bad yesterday ended, and it was NASTY, i am okay today and get those things fixed that i broke as a result of being over-tired, hungry and stressed. today, all i have to do is breathe, look at where my feet happen to be and stop for a second to take an inventory, a very brief one, of where i am, and decide where i want to grow to. and yes, i NEED to listen to what ids going on around me, especially when others are telling me what i am doing and how i look to them. as my friend Joe is so fond of saying, it is a GOOD day to be clean,
so i am way behind schedule this morning, and am just now getting around to writing this. i had some messes to clean-up and still have a few more to deal with by the time i get home tonight,
this is one of those two-edged swords for me. one of the defects that has always played a HUGE part in my life is keeping up appearances and acting as if i knew what others thought about the real me. judging myself through the eyes of others, to be succinct. so i could certainly run down that path with this reading.
what i heard instead, was that i am the very last person to see that i am not spiritually fit. i am the very last person to see that i am being arrogant, conceited, pushy or aggressive. those two facts are more than likely part of just being human, but have been warped by the NEED of the part of me i call addiction to protect me form the rest of the world. even with a TENTH STEP, i still need outside feedback from my trusted peers. as much as i dislike it, it is a fact for me, IF I WANT to continue to grow into the person i can become.
as dawn breaks, i realize this morning that i have much to be grateful for, and even more to look forward to. there is a gnawing sense of HOPE, that no matter how bad yesterday ended, and it was NASTY, i am okay today and get those things fixed that i broke as a result of being over-tired, hungry and stressed. today, all i have to do is breathe, look at where my feet happen to be and stop for a second to take an inventory, a very brief one, of where i am, and decide where i want to grow to. and yes, i NEED to listen to what ids going on around me, especially when others are telling me what i am doing and how i look to them. as my friend Joe is so fond of saying, it is a GOOD day to be clean,
∞ DT ∞