Blog entry for:

from the one source of power sufficient to effectively guide me through life: the POWER that fuels my recovery.
self-will, true will, the will of the POWER that fuels my recover, so many wills, so little time, where does this bus stop and where do i get off? it may be true, that no person is an island, but before coming to recovery, i would have fat-out told you, that i DID NOT need anyone else, i was an island and a rock, because a rock feels no pain and an island never cries…
as powerful as i thought i was, it was all a mask about how fearful i was. i was afraid of anyone ever getting close enough to hurt me again, so the cactus-like emotional armor i wore, kept me safe and as a result of applied pressure, alone as well. i was willing to trade emotional interaction for the safety of self-sufficiency, and yet, it was self-sufficiency that bit me in the butt, in in the end.
yes, today i not only recognize my need to have others in my life, physically, emotionally and spiritually, i have the desire to keep them there, even old-fashioned print artists, who are totally clueless about what the web is all about. my friends and peers in the fellowship, have taught me that i CAN be open, i CAN be vulnerable, i WILL NOT die from a feeling and i can survive the pain of human interaction. as i stay clean and foster the growth, that living a program enables, the rock island, has more appearances of life, and is no longer an island, it is more of a peninsula, that is becoming more attached to the continent of human existence every day. with that growing attachment, i am seeing that the benefits of being a part of the world around me, far outweigh the costs, and although one of my favorite substances has become legal and been yelling at me lately, i know where that will take me, back to that isolated and cold world i came from.
anyhow, the time has come to wrap this up and get my butt moving towards the place where others are depending upon me to show up, MY JOB! it is after all a great day to be a part of the human race, dependent on a POWER greater than myself and having the desire to be more than i was yesterday.

∞ DT ∞