Blog entry for:

but it is only the inner growth set in motion by the Twelve Steps that truly sets me free from that trap. yes, NEEDING the acceptance of others is a trap, and one that i have been a willing volunteer in, for almost my entire life. seriously, if i did not look good, and could not look good, i just did not show up. i know many of you have heard me say that before, and have to come see it as hyperbole, i use to pound home my point, but the reality is that it is so prevalent in who i am, it is certainly comical and ironic that the nonconformist rebel, wants to look good in the eyes of his family and society in general.
hey before i forget

Wayne, my brother and sponsee.
NINE YEARS CLEAN
Congrats on looking good as well as living well.

anyhow, as i sit here in Livingstone, preparing to say my goodbyes, i am smacked across the face with the realization that started last night. my need to be accepted robbed of me of the love of my family and the ability to maintain any long-lasting relationships. for far too long, today, i want to be part of my family, my fellowship, my peers at work and be acceptable to myself. today i can find the path to self-acceptance to become a fully realized human being and it will not come through pop-psychology books, affirmations in the mirror, or reminding others of what a fVcking good person i am. no today that path will come from the practical application of the spiritual principles that are the program of recovery i choose to live by. so instead of going on, preaching to the already converted. i will end with this thought:
i am who i am with all my assets and defects, insecurities and aspirations, and when i can love and accept myself for who i am, instead of despite who i am, i can and will walk in the light of being confident that i am the best person i can be, just for today.

∞ DT ∞