Blog entry for:

i was trying to come up with a pithy little intro here and got quite stuck. the fact of the matter is, i have **looked** socially acceptable for many years now and one might be hard-pressed to find the hallmarks of addiction upon my life. the fact of the matter is, no matter how long i have been clean, no matter how many times i live my way through the steps, and no matter how many meetings i attend i have not “arrived” and i still believe wholeheartedly that i am an addict. i do not suffer from “addictions” nor and i an addicted to any substances or behaviors, i am just a plain garden variety addict who has a few thousand days clean. the reading goes straight to the heart of one of my major shortcomings, LOOKING GOOD! i have seen many a peer succumb to the siren's song of maybe just one of a socially acceptable, legal substance, every now and again, is a privilege that they have somehow earned. having heard that song myself, i understand that being lashed to the mast by my peers in the local fellowship, is certainly the best place for me to be. the shoals and reefs that i navigate daily, requires that i accept who i am and allow myself the FREEDOM to stay clean, just for today. which brings me to another subject:

Wayne,
congrats my friend of Fourteen (14) years clean.
Quite an accomplishment and one i hope you can cherish, Just For Today.

what about my newest peers, how do i express that despite all the trappings of a “normal” life, i am still an addict and i still find solace and inspiration in meetings and hanging with the fellowship members who have become close friends. i mean seriously, after 271 months clean, one might assume it might be time to move along, after all, i never committed to coming to these “classes” the rest of my life. even though i lack the “rest of my life” sort of contract, i certainly do not lack the just for today commitment. especially if i pare things down to looking at the risks and what i “pay” to stay clean, just for today.😉
the cost of staying clean, is meditation twice daily to live Steps 10 and 11. acknowledging that i am an addict and note NOT an addict of one kind or another, and asking for the power to stay clean today. finally doing my best to practice the principles that i have been taught, in all my affairs, to the best of my ability. and today, go to a meeting perhaps two, to hear what my peers, associates and friends have to tell me about how they do this gig. plus i get to “look good” at the same time, just 'cuz, i am still showing up. i certainly do hope that one day, looking good and looking “normal” will lose their power overt how i act, think and live my life. keeping up with the Joneses is hard freaking work.

∞ DT ∞