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i was talking to another addict just yesterday about this same concept. this is phase that i had just finished accepting and he is in the middle of it. my question is when do i get to be a normal person, who just goes through life knowing what to do in most situations instinctively? of course the answer is never. the best i can hope for is enough personal, spiritual growth so i can better emulate a normal person to those outside the rooms and that whole concept sucks! why am i saddled with the necessity of praying, going to meetings, writing a daily inventory,
being of service, participating in sponsor-sponsee relationships and meditating? i do not see normal people having to do this and sometimes i get resentful of the fact that if i choose to not to do the stuff that keeps me clean, i will use and follow my disease to the bitter ends -- jails, institutions and death!
and where is my reward?
when do i get to take a break?
so what i did was my step work and came to accept that at least for me, i can be resentful of the fact that i am an addict and be miserable, or i can continue to grow by doing all those things i mentioned above. i can also put a bit of a ’spin‘ on it and say that i was chosen to be in recovery by the powers that be and accept with my whole being that spiritual growth and continuing freedom from active addiction are the ends and the means to finding that which has eluded all of my life -- the ability to through my day and be who and what i am. today that person is a grateful recovering addict who wishes to be more than i am today.
∞ DT ∞