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but i CAN change the way i react to it. having been off the grid a year ago, i had to go back two years to see what seeds i had already used for this topic and low and behold, i stumbled across a very interesting writing. i need not rehash what it said, but it certainly got me thinking about where i was back then and where i am now.
i know for a fact, that i was not very happy, as i had left a very good gig, to take a full-time gig closer to home, only to be let go one day later, as the company had been sold. the whole chain of “if-onlys” was running through my head and i was angry at myself for lowering my standards, and i did, and going somewhere when i had an excellent position in place, temporary as it was, it would have lasted another 9 months. perhaps longer.
today, i have come to a place in my life, where i realized i was believing the hype that the recruiters were feeding me, and was starting to feel undervalued as a result. maybe i am worth more money, but quite honestly i like what i do every day, i like the people i work with, for the most part and i am not starving by any means. my dissatisfaction with where i am in my life, is a result of, <drum roll, please> unmet expectations! in my last few inventories i have come across that theme, time and again, and i am not rebelling against my faceless employers from New York, New York, i am rebelling against the limitations i have placed on myself, by not stretching my wings and growing my skills and knowledge, professionally. i am the limiting factor here and it just may be time to remove that from the equation by finishing my volunteer project.
on that note, i do believe i will move into this day, after all, if i do my job, i will learn what i need to learn today. if i pay attention, i might get an opportunity to be more and if i conquer my FEAR with a bit of courage, i might be able to grow the skills that i already think i have.

∞ DT ∞