Blog entry for:

well it has been quite the morning and finally i get around to writing this. i got to work at my normal time, and logged into my machine and found a boat load of issues that needed to be responded to, some that were 60 days or so old. i took care of those and cleaned up that little mess and now i have a moment or two to think about where i am going today. ironically i was asking a similar question one year ago, where the fVck am i today. must be in the wind :)
i am certainly concerned about whether or not i am going to be a culture fit, and if i need to be moving towards a different employer, but my heart and gut says, keep doing what i have been doing, play the time sheet game according to the rules presented by the person who is approving it and just hang on.
spiritually, i am certainly getting to the point where i am starting to see things in a different light, as in bright lights and they are not head lights! i saw an interesting tidbit in the news this morning that got me thinking bout stuff, namely that the kid who went to heaven and came back to write about it, now says he made it all up. some days, i feel as if the life i am living is all made up. that i am in a frozen state, lying in a bed in a rehab facility due to crossing the line in my active addiction. because i am mentally awake, but unable to communicate, i have created this fantasy life to pass away the years of total isolation from the rest of the world. when i think about it, it really doe not seem that improbable. especially with the news item i saw the other day, about someone else coming back from a frozen state. i mean after all, how is it possible that i actually stopped using, got clean and lost the desire to use? seriously, there is no power within me, that could possibly been responsible for that outcome. as i sit here wondering if one of my peers is out and about and if a couple of my friends have made the decision to return to the fold, i decided to reach out and touch somebody as the old commercial used to go, back when one had to pay for long distance phone calls. which i guess is exactly what this reading ws all about anyhow. reaching out and letting the world know that ye i am alive and yes i am clean and probably not in a persistent vegetative state somewhere. it s a good day to be living in the here and now.

∞ DT ∞