โ if i isolate myself from my fellow members, i deprive them of something they need, โ
Posted: Tue, Jan 16, 2007 08:57:56 AM
something only i can give them: my time, my company, my true self.
i have days where i still believe that i have nothing to offer anyone, and isolating myself seems like the only thing i can do to minimize the effect of the world on me, and minimize my damage on the world in general. yes, even after some time clean, i still have more than a few issues with my self-esteem, but that is a topic for another day.
so when i cut myself off from my fellow members, i need to remember that the gifts i receive from interaction with them is as important as the gifts of what they receive from me, even if it is an example of how not to be on any particular day. such is the nature of the fellowship that allows me to live in this manner, giving and receiving input, love, direction, and much, much more. so i am certain that when i cut myself off from that flow, i allow the part of me i call my disease to take me to places that i am unwilling to go to.
after all, life in recovery has been much better than life in active addiction. isolation was part of my pattern when i was using and to carry it forward into me new manner of daily living is more than a bit counterproductive. so today i want to be productive in all phases of my life and the only way to do so is make a few calls and allow others to reach me. simple and elegant and without a doubt a plan for this day.
i have days where i still believe that i have nothing to offer anyone, and isolating myself seems like the only thing i can do to minimize the effect of the world on me, and minimize my damage on the world in general. yes, even after some time clean, i still have more than a few issues with my self-esteem, but that is a topic for another day.
so when i cut myself off from my fellow members, i need to remember that the gifts i receive from interaction with them is as important as the gifts of what they receive from me, even if it is an example of how not to be on any particular day. such is the nature of the fellowship that allows me to live in this manner, giving and receiving input, love, direction, and much, much more. so i am certain that when i cut myself off from that flow, i allow the part of me i call my disease to take me to places that i am unwilling to go to.
after all, life in recovery has been much better than life in active addiction. isolation was part of my pattern when i was using and to carry it forward into me new manner of daily living is more than a bit counterproductive. so today i want to be productive in all phases of my life and the only way to do so is make a few calls and allow others to reach me. simple and elegant and without a doubt a plan for this day.
∞ DT ∞