Blog entry for:

-- FREEDOM FROM ACTIVE ADDICTION --
as dramatic as that may or may not sound, it is what attracted me to this fellowship, when i started to realize that addiction to alcohol was nothing more than a smoke and mirrors job i was doing on myself, to keep me from being a part of anything. when it comes down to it, alcohol is just one more drug to me, and need not be pulled out for special treatment.
yes there are two very poignant parts of the seed, the main one is that single promise, not promises. i know some of my peers, who have been exposed to more than one 12 step recovery program, feel shorted in some way in all of sudden something that was countable, collapses down to a singularity. i may not be able to speak for others, but for me, this is more than a blessing, as this ONE PROMISE was realized the day the desire to use lifted from me and long before i had the desire to stay clean and became a member. i do not have to work through to the NINTH STEP, to start to realize this promise, nor do i have to be diligent in my work, this one comes true, if all i do is stop using and half-ass the program, the only catch is this; if i choose to do nothing, soon enough i will use again, after all, i am still a garden variety addict.
that being said, the other notable part of my seed, is one i harp on all the time, namely that i suffer from addiction. i am not afflicted by addictions, bad behaviors, acting out or any one of the myriad of terms tossed so blithely around the rooms, to differentiate me form the rest of my peers. i cannot determine the motives of my peers for engaging in that behavior, i can however speak to mine. yes, once upon a time ii thought i was more than just a garden variety addict, and in those days, more than meant better than, so when i used modifiers even the the infamous “anda” it was in attempt to separate and elevate myself from the crowd. when my head finally popped out of my arsehole and i realized alcohol was just one part of my pharmacopeia, i lacked any distinction, so i added “gratefully recovering,” to my identification to elevate myself once again. collapsing the “diseases” into one, left me wanting and being an addict in need, i took action. as i rounded the corner of my SEVENTH STEP, i finally had the realization that i need not differentiate myself and i could be just an addict when identified and have not needed to modify my identification since. it was still a few years later after hearing a speaker at convention, that i started identifying as an addict first, then stating my name. that drives home to the fact that i am an addict first, regardless of what i call myself, and that as an addict, i have the choice today, and just for today, whether or not i want to return to the life of active addiction.
yes, you got that right, as an addict, who happens to be a member of the “NO MATTER WHAT CLUB” i am more than certain what would happen if i had just one. being a person, who likes to gamble and take a risk or two, that is one roll of the dice i choose not to shake out today. i happen to like not being owned by addiction and the life that state allows me to participate in, today. so it is off to the salt mines, to earmnn my daily dollar fifty.

∞ DT ∞