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turning a statement that one might take as fact, into a question is certainly a great way to start my day. as i move closer to finishing my 11TH Step, and i know that i am, because it is starting to feel like that, i get less and less bothered by the common notion of how a HIGHER POWER may described and accessed. those of my peers, who have personified their concepts are actually the norm, and i am the outlier in this situation, and today, i can see that is my path and just for today, at least i am okay with that. i can possibly see a few bumps in the road ahead with a few of the men i sponsor, especially as we get further down the line in their step work, it will be up to me, to assure them, that how i see the spiritual nature of the program, is NOT how they need to see it. in fact, i will need to be doubly sure that they understand that my task is to help them find their path, just as Carlos has not interfered in my journey to where i am today.
so back to the question that i posed at the top. i can certainly say, those of my peers that talk about being blessed, signs and miracles, at times, really drive me nuts. i am certainly not all that comfortable when human attributes such as a “sense of humor” are assigned either. what i have moved to is what i was talking about earlier, that is the norm, i can accept it and move on, or i can wail, gnash my teeth and scream of the injustice and lack of rhyme or reason to it all. what i am feeling today, is that FAITH in and of itself, defies logic, it is believing without evidence. my FAITH in the program, however, is based on the evidence of my experience, and for me, there certainly is no “chicken or egg” dilemma here, as i did my best to disprove, disqualify and disassociate from all TWELVE STEP programs, back in the day. my desire to stay clean, came as a result of the obsession and compulsion to use being lifted. for me, my FAITH that the program works, is based in fact. HIGHER POWERING on the other hand, well that is what i am finally coming around to now. i know that i am an addict and powerless over addiction, and yet, i have NOT had the desire to use, for quite some time, so there must be some outside influence working in my life.inertia kept me in active addiction, and the events that altered my path and sent me off in this welcome direction, seem to perpetuate that direction.
anyhow got a very early meeting this morning, so it is time to wrap this up and get headed south. much more will be revealed.

∞ DT ∞