Blog entry for:

becoming humble means i attain a realistic view of myself and where i fit in the world. enough said, time to move along, nothing to see here. in set theory, that would be a UNION of my assets and defects, not the intersection. i however digress, it really is time to move along.
what has been ringing so loudly in my head these past few days, is how powerless i really am, and how the POWER that fuels my recovery, provides me what i need. lots of things are falling apart all around me. lots of friends, acquaintances and peers, are scraping the bottom of their barrels, quickly exhausting what little resources they have, try to stave off the inevitable, and yet i am compelled to participate in their insanity and enable them to fight tooth and nail, what may be futile battles. letting them chase a windmill or three is fine, i need not rain of their parade. enabling them to, by my actions, well not so much, and that is where i need to take back my personal power.
as i sat and listened this morning i heard that i needed to allow the POWER that fuels my recovery, allow me to fill that spot in the world, instead of trying to run from it. over the past few nights i have come to see that my spot in the world, may or may not be what i think it is. as i grow in my awareness of how my vision of spirituality fits, or more importantly how the views of everyone else, fits into my notions, i start to get a glimpse of where i truly do fit in. ironically, i joke about wanting to walk around with a spiritual glow, and a peer the other night, commented that to him, i was glowing. of course there two instantaneous and nearly quantum paired reactions that traveled through me:

1. that he was stroking my ego, so that he could get something from me. he saw mw as weak and feeble.
2. or that i am on the verge of achieving transcendence that i think i have been working so hard for.

neither seems very likely and yet both of them felt quite plausible that night. today? well, today, i feel that i really am somewhere in between the weak and feeble and godhead, which when one boils it down, is what humility really is. knowing my place and filling my spot.
whether i am well enough to see what is going on, inside and outside of me, or sick enough to deny the reality of the situation, i am who i am. if people i love and care for, want to chase dragons, who am i to spoil their “fun?” i can allow them to be who they are, not participate in their madness and be there to catch them or celebrate, when it all comes out in the end. me i need to shower,, shave and head on down for my final day of hell season at work. iot is a good day to feel my place in the world and ask for the power to fill it.

∞ DT ∞