Blog entry for:

Tue, Mar 29, 2016 07:44:54 AM


⦕ my own true will ⦖
posted: Tue, Mar 29, 2016 07:44:54 AM

 

once upon a morning dreary, exactly a year ago, i commented on this reading and moved on. being smack dab in the middle of my 11TH STEP and doing my best to resist the changes that needed to be made, for me to survive in recovery, i am sure that what i wrote will not be reflected here today. the fact is, that as i noodle around the edges of my 12TH STEP, i find myself going back time and again to STEP 11. my journey to be true to myself as well as true to the fellowship that has given me my true will back, was one of many steps, twists and a few unexpected turns. i have shared about that extensively, so today i will focus a bit more on what “my own true will,” looks like today.
what would a discussion of wills be like if i did not throw in an example? i have a sponsee, who has been resisting making a huge change in his life for the past two years. he is more than willing to shell out $500 per month, keeping what no longer has any value, safe from the elements. for whatever reason, that is where he is. the point is, that i am the same way, but what the valueless stuff i store, is within me, and is just as draining of my resources. i held on to resentments for over four decades, and the burden of carrying a resentment towards an entire town, was a price i was willing to pay. i fought tooth and nail, to have my cynicism removed, did everything i could to foster a more “positive” outlook on life, and in the end, i had to embrace my cynicism as part of who i am, and allow myself the freedom to react differently than my default set of behaviors. i rail against the members who share the party line, the clichés and always give a “good report,” because they feel false and phony to me, posers if you will,. i do not however have any clue what they are thinking and why they chose to do that. i stereotype and pigeonhole them, because i do not understand the why of them. i want to kick some sponsee a$$, because they are not progressing, and have to restrain myself from doing so, all the time. all of that are current manifestations of my self-will. it is based on desire and want, and not from need, and i am quite sure that if i dove down into what makes all of that tick, i would find self-centered fear. today the reading reminds me that i can pander to my self-will or let STEP 11 take precedence and align myself with the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery.
my own true will for myself today? do the best i can at work. run past my Dad's house on the way to cigars and give him the 15 minutes he needs. allow myself to be free from the garbage of my past and see the world as a bit brighter and bit warmer, than i did yesterday. right here and right now? step out of desire and what i think i need to be, and allow myself to get what i need and be who i am, just for today.

∞ DT ∞

 

djtConsulting Brand
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.

Another Look!

↔ my true will ↔ 159 words ➥ Tuesday, March 29, 2005 by: donnot
↔ changing values, my changing life ↔ 408 words ➥ Wednesday, March 29, 2006 by: donnot
α when my values change, my life changes, too. Ω 512 words ➥ Thursday, March 29, 2007 by: donnot
∞ what worked for me when i used frequently does not work long in recovery. ∞ 429 words ➥ Saturday, March 29, 2008 by: donnot
ω it is human nature to want something for nothing. i tend to think that, if no one knows … 408 words ➥ Sunday, March 29, 2009 by: donnot
∼ in the past, i took advantage of others and of the situation with little regard of who i was hurting ∼ 504 words ➥ Monday, March 29, 2010 by: donnot
⇑ the will of my HIGHER POWER for me consists of the very things i most value ⇑ 384 words ➥ Tuesday, March 29, 2011 by: donnot
— i am internalizing the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery — 258 words ➥ Thursday, March 29, 2012 by: donnot
⇒ if no one knows, one small deception will not make any difference ⇐ 700 words ➥ Friday, March 29, 2013 by: donnot
∴ in the past, i victimized others. ∴ 614 words ➥ Saturday, March 29, 2014 by: donnot
≡ as the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery ≡ 706 words ➥ Sunday, March 29, 2015 by: donnot
❄ beginning to develop ❅ 783 words ➥ Wednesday, March 29, 2017 by: donnot
🤑 getting something 🤑 735 words ➥ Thursday, March 29, 2018 by: donnot
🎡 someone does know 🎢 458 words ➥ Friday, March 29, 2019 by: donnot
👹 if no one knows ... 👿 428 words ➥ Sunday, March 29, 2020 by: donnot
😕 true will  😕 459 words ➥ Monday, March 29, 2021 by: donnot
😇 living out 😉 387 words ➥ Tuesday, March 29, 2022 by: donnot
😨 hope combats 🙂 539 words ➥ Wednesday, March 29, 2023 by: donnot
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☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯

THE TAO TEH KING, OR THE TAO AND ITS CHARACTERISTICS
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge

Book 2

2) (Its) admirable words can purchase honour; (its) admirable deeds
can raise their performer above others. Even men who are not good
are not abandoned by it.