Blog entry for:

for my recovery and my decisions, is mine and mine alone.
one of the themes i have been harping on the past few weeks is being a participant in my life and my recovery. i have a man that calls me his sponsor, who has decided that even though he is going to prison for several years, he wants to continue working the steps. at first he wanted to get all twelve done before he got the final word and went “down south.” while that may be a noble attempt, my thoughts were, that would be rushed and incomplete, but if he perseveres i am certainly willing to take him as far as we can go, before he heads out to become a ward of the state. it is my intention to do my best to facilitate his journey and who knows how far we will get. when i look at him, i amazed at the HOPE he finds even though he is basically fVcked. it certainly makes me look to the quality of my program and how willing i would be if i was facing similar circumstances.
a year ago i was speaking about the social and legal respectability of one of the legs of my holy trinity of substances. over the past 12 months, i am grateful to report that i have not been in the same house, much less the same room with that substance being used, and when i come to think about it, it is more than likely that the people in my life are generally in recovery and not partaking. that does exempt me form being concerned about what would happen, but i can stop worrying about how to say no, walk away and stay friends. in my reality, it is becoming more like alcohol and less like some forbidden but desirable pleasure bomb. as i take my life and recovery back, i am more certain about the path i have chosen today, than i was even yesterday. part of who i am and am becoming is all about being in control and the truth is, there is very little i can control. taking responsibility for what i can control and do have power over, is GUARDING MY RECOVERY, today.
many of my peers live their lives in default, coasting along until forced to make a decision that has no palatable outcomes. for me, that is my fall back state, and part of the spiritual awakening i have had in this round of steps, is that is no longer an acceptable was for me to live. a piece of space junk may fall on my head, Yellowstone may erupt, terrorists may plant a suicide bomb on 287 or monkeys may fly out of my ass. if i walk through life not doing something, because i cannot guarantee the outcome. one thing i can accept and be responsible for today, is my recovery. i do need a woman on my arm or a warm place to sleep, in order to recover. i do not need a job, or material wealth, either. what i need is access to the spiritual abundance provided to me by the POWER that fuels my recovery and the presence of mind to accept that yes, just for today, i am more than just another addict. i am an addict in recovery, who has decided that no matter what, he will not pick up. it really is that simple.

∞ DT ∞