Blog entry for:

strange bedfellows. what may seem a departure from the nature of this writing, is actually the entry to a topic that is often on my mind: how the heck did i learn to trust, make friends and yes even long-term relationships with those in the rooms, when i am the most asocial, judgemental, a$$hole in the bunch? 🤢 i am one of the strangest bedfellows i know and as i move through the interview and hiring dance at the various places that have expressed interest in adding me to their workforce, i need to remember that fact.
life in this northern town, has not always been a piece of cake for me, and when i came to the fellowship after nearly two years of noodling around and playing the part of a “recovering drug addict and alcoholic,” i was not quite sure how to be real, and quite certain that i would not find anyone in these rooms that i could establish any sort of relationship with, at any time, they were all SO FREAKING DIFFERENT!
that was then, and this is now. it really was not until i started my fourth round of steps that i started to make any progress with my social retardation and realize how envious and resentful i was of those who just seemed to fly through social situations with the greatest of ease. it is true, that i certainly had made major strides, before starting that round of steps, and as i approached that round, my FEAR was that i was far too broken to have more than a handful of close relationships and would never be able to have any sort of social network beyond those. sure i knew lost of my peers in recovery, as being a “slave” to serving my fellowship allowed me to step out of one box and into another. as i stayed clean, stepped out of the box my mantle of service created for me, i discovered life in the open is a whole lot easier and when i am just being myself, people may come to like me or not. when i stopped trading in that coin, the approval of others, amazingly my social network grew and i became more self-assured and saw that those i envied,. worked hard at juggling all of those social situations as well. ironically, they seemed to grow less comfortable in that world as i grew more confident in mine and i realize today, that was because i shifted my perceptions, and they were, as they always were.. the adage that nothing changes if i do nothing to foster those changes, is as true for them, as i have found it to be for me.
ah well, i do not have a new job and my current employers have expectations that i need to meet today. life in the real world may be stressful, but at least i know what my paycheck will look like at the end of the week. the attitude i need to carry forward today is, that even if i am a short-timer, i NEED to treat all of them with the care and consideration, i myself would like to feel. it is after all a great day to be clean and a better day to walk the path of self-acceptance and see if social acceptance follows.

∞ DT ∞