Blog entry for:

at meetings of any type, i am demonstrating my FAITH in the process and fellowship upon which i have come to depend upon. it has been a few hours since i sat and listened. watched the Broncos lose, still have a bit of HOPE for my fantasy team and let go of the resentment i have been polishing up and carrying around for the past four months. just because i am no longer taking someone's inventory and see all that they do as self-obsessed and needy as hell, does not mean that i have to give them any more power, than i have already wasted on them. the best part of all, is that i do NOT owe them an amends, as i never acted out on them in any manner. that in my book is a victory, letting go of my obsession, releasing my anger and resentment and no damage as a consequence. i even got to share about this mess in a meeting yesterday, without pounding another addict's reputation into the dust, YAY!
now to the main point, i am not one of those who can be counted on sharing at every single meeting i CHOOSE to attend, in fact, most of the time, i just listen. when i do share, there are very few rainbows, not a whole daisies and very rarely a unicorn. i do not share “for the newcomer” and do not share the mess that my life once was. i share about what is going on inside of me, in the here and now, and most of the time, it is more than a bit on the dark side. the HOPE in that sort of theme, is that i still keep coming back, i stay clean and i GET to share at another meeting. by the time the local meeting rolls around tomorrow night, i will be ready to dump a big one, or at least hear what my peers have to say, as there will be no meeting for me today.
i do have to say, that the GROUP has saved my bacon more than once, more recently the group up in the hills in Nederland. no it is not a laugh riot or a cauldron of spiritual gurus, just a few addicts with varying lengths of clean time, where i am smack dab in the middle of the pool. when i was at the end of my road, once again, that group offered me a bit of HOPE, just by being where they are. when the weather allows i GET to make the trip up the hills, to hang with them., and have found a new lease on my life in recovery. my FAITH in the program has been renewed and i am once again feeling good about being a part of some group, any group. anyhow, for this addict, the group is the vehicle for carrying the message to me, especially when i am the “still suffering.” one thing this addict will NEVER do, is whine on Facebook about making several phone calls and no one calling me back. as needy and self-obsessed as i may be, i have yet to sink to that level.

∞ DT ∞