Some memes

trusting no one were certainly part and parcel of my belief structure when i came to the rooms, and the echoes of that way of life still surface from time to time. as i travel the highways and byways of Norther New Mexico this week i remember the first time i actually trusted a sponsor. in my first set of steps, i only let my first sponsor in so far. honestly, it really was not all that far, as i was certain that i would never end up staying in this recovery gig, for very long. i expected to be a one and done sort of guy and on my way out by halftime of my judicial consequence. hence after my nearly disastrous decision-making, that was derived from self-will i became willing to start over with in a different fellowship, with a new sponsor and a new way at looking at what i needed to do to live a life free from the obsession to use. that addict, gave me what i needed and got me through 10 steps before life circumstances swept us apart and i am eternally grateful for what he did give me, including the “in” to my current sponsor. what i learned as a result of my time here in Northern New Mexico, was that yes, i could trust him with my deepest and darkest stuff.
back at this,after a seven hour break. hope you do not mind that i had breakfast and went for soak in Ojo Caliente.
trusting others, starting with that first relationship with my sponsor, or in my case sponsors.as i said before rudely walked away form this exercise this morning, my trust in my first sponsor was quite limited, to say the least. my trust in my second was nearly absolute and i never for a minute regretted putting my trust in him. as to my current sponse? well he know more about me than anybody else in the world, as he has been my sponsor for nearly fifteen years. he has seen me grow into the person i have become and as the speaker said last night, that is just me and not the me i always thought i was. the stories i told myself for so long, became my truth, and as i strip away another layer of the grunge of living, i come closer to becoming the person i was always meant to be. it i only through working the steps with my sponsor, does that become possible and so just for today, i will trust him and allow him to guide through yet another set of steps, resistance i am discovering is futile and i will be assimilated.

∞ DT ∞