Blog entry for:

plodding existence is not what i want from my recovery today. staying clean, although a very great reward, has to mean more than living the life that i was living when i got clean. so when it comes to these sort of **pay it forward** kind of reading, i am always a little put off. when i suggested to a sponsee that he needed to look for a “positive” spin on his life, i could feel myself cringing inside. after all who the fVck am i to tell someone else that maybe in all the clouds, there is a place where the sun can break through, if one chooses to look for it.
feeling good because i am doing good, is certainly an interesting concept for a cynic such as myself. it was not all that long ago, when i did good, to look better than i was, keeping the bile, and bitterness inside. as i worked through my last set of steps, i started to realize that maybe, just maybe, doing good was doing much more than making me look good. when i keep doing good on the down low, i feel better about myself and at the same time learn to be a little more humble. with that thought in mind, it is time for me to do a but of work, go to the store and maybe, just maybe get that nap in, that i have thought i wanted since i got up way too early this morning.

∞ DT ∞