Blog entry for:

in this new manner of living, has taken time and effort to grow. although the reading today was all about developing a FAITH in a HIGHER POWER, for this addict, that could only become any sort of reality, once i grew a bit of FAITH that i could CHOOSE to stay clean, day after day. that FAITH was certainly a long time coming and just like my flirtation with a nicotine-free lifestyle, i saw it as a very time-limited offer. i am grateful today, that there were others in the room, who could and did show me that there was hope, even for an addict like me.

Margaret C,
CONGRATS on twenty-five (25) years clean.
Thank you for being a shining example that the program could work.

as sad as it may seem, i am not one of those addicts in recovery that says or has come to believe that i have the ability and the desire to stay clean, until the day i die. it is not that i am full of reservations or lack the FAITH in achieving that milestone, absolutes are just not my thing anymore. i do have FAITH, that of i continue to live this program, there is a strong possibility of that outcome, coming to fruition. so instead of plodding towards a day i cannot see, i CHOOSE to have FAITH that in the here and now, i can stay clean, and be a bit better than i was yesterday. i was thrust into this life by circumstances that were not entirely of my own making and i stay here by making a choice, each and every morning, it is because i have grown some FAITH in the program and yes in myself, that i GET to make that choice, just for today.
the HIGHER POWER stuff? well, somewhere along the way, even before i came to believe in a path that “fits” me, i “knew” that some power was providing me the ability to stay clean. what that POWER looked or felt like, was up to interpretation and in my own journey has taken several different aspects, some that matched closely to my friends and peers, and others, not so much. what i have come to see, is that what that POWER looks and feels like, to me, is not relevant. it is what that POWER gives me that really matters. that is where the FAITH in this program has taken me today. yes i have my nicotine test today and yes, i have been planning a “celebration” of sorts, once i have provided the sample of my blood. maybe, just maybe, i will kick this into the quite capable “hands” of the POWER that fuels my recovery and push that into tomorrow as well. only time will tell 😜

∞ DT ∞