Blog entry for:

it takes time and effort to grow. or at least that is how it has been for me. i do not want to rehash my journey to FAITH here, but perhaps a quick overview is needed.
i came to recovery, a died in the wool agnostic, morally and intellectually above the argument of was there or was there not some sort of all powerful GOD. i did some things, at the suggestion of my very first sponsor, to start the process of coming to believe, and they are things i would never ever suggest to anyone else: i borrowed his HIGHER POWER and stagnated there for the next two years. finally released from the burden of an incompatible HIGHER POWER, i endeavored to define every aspect, as i created my own notion. as i grew and the “face of GOD” became increasingly difficult to picture, i surrendered, allowed my instincts to take over and found the concept of the POWER that fuels my recovery. satisfied by the preponderance of the evidence that IT does work in my life, i walk away for defining, refining and ascribing human attributes to that POWER, and am content that if i allow myself to, i can grow some FAITH. not that i am saying anyone else needs to find a POWER like mine, the literature makes that quite clear, “looking for a HIGHER POWER is a project you can undertake at any time.”
as i worked to understand less, my FAITH grew. astoundingly, it is an inverse relationships, the less i look for evidence of the POWER that fuels my recovery, the more i feel the affect and see how it effects me. i become certain that i am on the right path and i get another day clean.
the party line? well the fellowship i am a part of says: “that this POWER should loving, kind and more powerful than you are.”
loving and kind are human attributes, that are uncomfortable in my paradigm, but i can sneak in under the radar. more powerful, well that i understand and accept without question. something keeps me clean, day in and day out, and although i have done the work, grew some FAITH and stayed a member of the No Matter What Club, it is a power outside of me, that provides the framework of strength that allows me to do so. i ahve FAITH, today, that IF i do the next right thing, surrender my will and my life into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery and do my best to live the program in my life, i will GET another day clean, and in the end, that is what this is all about.so before i go

Margaret C
Thanks for being here,
when i got here!
2 decades is awesome

so it is off to work, service, work, a party and a night of hanging with the woman i love. at least that is my plan, as to what will actually happen, i leave that in the quiet capable care of the POWER that fuels my recovery.

∞ DT ∞