Blog entry for:
Sun, Mar 24, 2019 05:43:36 PM
😕 the shame 🙂
posted: Sun, Mar 24, 2019 05:43:36 PM
i once felt calling myself an addict has faded into the background noise. that does not mean, however i am now a gratefully recovering addict either. i am just a plain, ordinary garden variety addict, how has found a new way of living. this morning before my monthly journey south, i had written a whole different piece and i forgot to take the usual steps i needed to take to save it away, in case something went wrong. needless to say, something went wrong, and now i am grateful that it did, as the windshield time gave me the opportunity to consider the reading a bit more.
i got to spend a few hours today with a man who considers me his sponsor. i only get to see him once a month or so and today was that day. ever since i have been working with him, he has been waiting for an event to sprinkle “magic pixie dust,” on his reality and get him into a different one, reality that is. the event happened last week and lo and behold, nothing has changed, at least so far. i do not think that it will alter his reality in any way, but i have been wrong before. as his lawyer advised him, taking a plea bargain is admitting guilt, regardless of one' motives. it is unfortunate that what he admitted to doing, does not match what happened in the past and now he is stuck in that life. my next decision is whether or not i choose to step into that life with him and become something i am not sure i want to be.
what i do KNOW today is that i want to be fitter, more comfortable in my own skin and prove the labels i have been saddled with, as flat out wrong. the one i am quite certain i cannot ever get rid of is “addict” and i can wear that one with a little bit of humility and panache, as i am in recovery, doing my best to live life in a new and different manner. what once was, is no more and what is no longer resembles my past. i can tell the truth and be there for others. the truth i tell today is not some fantastical journey through what is not. it may not all be to my exact liking, but o can accept it, just for today.
i got to spend a few hours today with a man who considers me his sponsor. i only get to see him once a month or so and today was that day. ever since i have been working with him, he has been waiting for an event to sprinkle “magic pixie dust,” on his reality and get him into a different one, reality that is. the event happened last week and lo and behold, nothing has changed, at least so far. i do not think that it will alter his reality in any way, but i have been wrong before. as his lawyer advised him, taking a plea bargain is admitting guilt, regardless of one' motives. it is unfortunate that what he admitted to doing, does not match what happened in the past and now he is stuck in that life. my next decision is whether or not i choose to step into that life with him and become something i am not sure i want to be.
what i do KNOW today is that i want to be fitter, more comfortable in my own skin and prove the labels i have been saddled with, as flat out wrong. the one i am quite certain i cannot ever get rid of is “addict” and i can wear that one with a little bit of humility and panache, as i am in recovery, doing my best to live life in a new and different manner. what once was, is no more and what is no longer resembles my past. i can tell the truth and be there for others. the truth i tell today is not some fantastical journey through what is not. it may not all be to my exact liking, but o can accept it, just for today.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
∞ moving beyond my past ∞ 272 words ➥ Thursday, March 24, 2005 by: donnot∞ packing my bags ∞ 365 words ➥ Friday, March 24, 2006 by: donnot
δ in recovery, all doors are open to me and i have many choices. δ 317 words ➥ Saturday, March 24, 2007 by: donnot
μ when i first found recovery, i felt shame or despair at calling myself an **addict** μ 513 words ➥ Monday, March 24, 2008 by: donnot
∞ memories of the past can serve as reminders of what is waiting for me if i use again ∞ 545 words ➥ Tuesday, March 24, 2009 by: donnot
δ each day in active recovery takes this addict that much farther away from active addiction δ 639 words ➥ Wednesday, March 24, 2010 by: donnot
¡ it is not where i was that counts, but where i am going ¡ 558 words ➥ Thursday, March 24, 2011 by: donnot
ˆ i am packing my bags to move out of my past ˆ 709 words ➥ Saturday, March 24, 2012 by: donnot
♣ my new life is rich and full of promise. ♣ 526 words ➥ Sunday, March 24, 2013 by: donnot
∇ in recovery, all doors are open to and i have many choices ∇ 640 words ➥ Monday, March 24, 2014 by: donnot
⇐ letting go of the past ⇐ 617 words ➥ Tuesday, March 24, 2015 by: donnot
⫘ a hope filled present ⫘ 959 words ➥ Thursday, March 24, 2016 by: donnot
😥 do i still feel 😨 725 words ➥ Friday, March 24, 2017 by: donnot
🛑 i am finding 🛑 326 words ➥ Saturday, March 24, 2018 by: donnot
👻 on finding less 👻 556 words ➥ Tuesday, March 24, 2020 by: donnot
🤔 BUT, 🤷 472 words ➥ Wednesday, March 24, 2021 by: donnot
🚚 the way 🛄 487 words ➥ Thursday, March 24, 2022 by: donnot
🤨 discernment 🤐 592 words ➥ Friday, March 24, 2023 by: donnot
😕 among my many 😧 504 words ➥ Sunday, March 24, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
3) He who lightly promises is sure to keep but little faith; he who
is continually thinking things easy is sure to find them difficult.
Therefore the sage sees difficulty even in what seems easy, and so
never has any difficulties.