๐ the shame ๐
Posted: Sun, Mar 24, 2019 05:43:36 PM
i once felt calling myself an addict has faded into the background noise. that does not mean, however i am now a gratefully recovering addict either. i am just a plain, ordinary garden variety addict, how has found a new way of living. this morning before my monthly journey south, i had written a whole different piece and i forgot to take the usual steps i needed to take to save it away, in case something went wrong. needless to say, something went wrong, and now i am grateful that it did, as the windshield time gave me the opportunity to consider the reading a bit more.
i got to spend a few hours today with a man who considers me his sponsor. i only get to see him once a month or so and today was that day. ever since i have been working with him, he has been waiting for an event to sprinkle “magic pixie dust,” on his reality and get him into a different one, reality that is. the event happened last week and lo and behold, nothing has changed, at least so far. i do not think that it will alter his reality in any way, but i have been wrong before. as his lawyer advised him, taking a plea bargain is admitting guilt, regardless of one' motives. it is unfortunate that what he admitted to doing, does not match what happened in the past and now he is stuck in that life. my next decision is whether or not i choose to step into that life with him and become something i am not sure i want to be.
what i do KNOW today is that i want to be fitter, more comfortable in my own skin and prove the labels i have been saddled with, as flat out wrong. the one i am quite certain i cannot ever get rid of is “addict” and i can wear that one with a little bit of humility and panache, as i am in recovery, doing my best to live life in a new and different manner. what once was, is no more and what is no longer resembles my past. i can tell the truth and be there for others. the truth i tell today is not some fantastical journey through what is not. it may not all be to my exact liking, but o can accept it, just for today.
i got to spend a few hours today with a man who considers me his sponsor. i only get to see him once a month or so and today was that day. ever since i have been working with him, he has been waiting for an event to sprinkle “magic pixie dust,” on his reality and get him into a different one, reality that is. the event happened last week and lo and behold, nothing has changed, at least so far. i do not think that it will alter his reality in any way, but i have been wrong before. as his lawyer advised him, taking a plea bargain is admitting guilt, regardless of one' motives. it is unfortunate that what he admitted to doing, does not match what happened in the past and now he is stuck in that life. my next decision is whether or not i choose to step into that life with him and become something i am not sure i want to be.
what i do KNOW today is that i want to be fitter, more comfortable in my own skin and prove the labels i have been saddled with, as flat out wrong. the one i am quite certain i cannot ever get rid of is “addict” and i can wear that one with a little bit of humility and panache, as i am in recovery, doing my best to live life in a new and different manner. what once was, is no more and what is no longer resembles my past. i can tell the truth and be there for others. the truth i tell today is not some fantastical journey through what is not. it may not all be to my exact liking, but o can accept it, just for today.
∞ DT ∞