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or myself were perfect, none of us would need this program. while the reading was all about them, my peers anyhow, what i **heard** this morning was all about me. what my expectations about my peers was **once upon a time** and what they are now, still falls on my shoulders. what their expectations of me are, well that is not really my stuff, or is it? as i trip merrily down this train of thought, i might actually stumble on to something i need to share about.
what came to me yesterday was the amount of power i was giving away to one of my peers, because they were not meeting my expectations. the fact, whether or not someone is living the program they “brag” about is really not my stuff. giving up stuff i enjoy, just so i do not have to deal with them, is my stuff. in fact i was on the verge of cutting others out of my life, based on my feelings about someone else. it is ironic that someone such as myself, who values the little personal power i do have, would blatantly “piss it down the drain” just to avoid an odious personality. the fact that someone does not seem to meet my expectations, and in this case they do not, does not mean i have to alter my life to avoid them. when i look at it, who am i really hurting? certainly not them, as they are oblivious to my expectations. not the fellowship in general, which i have anointed myself the protector pf, as they can see the hypocrisy of bad behavior. nope it is me, giving up some of the places and things i enjoy doing, just so i do not have to share air with them. this hearkens back to my tendency in active addiction, to “X” people out of my life, when i felt it was time to move on.
i am certainly not unique in this behavior, as i see it all around me and have more than one example of it, in the past five days. the only difference i see, between those others and myself is that i am no longer going to give away my pleasure to someone who just does not get it. i am worth going where i desire to go, doing what i desire to do and leaving the sh!theads to be what they are. do i expect to be better for doing so? no, not at all, my opinion of them and their behaviors has not changes. what i expect to be is a bit more rounded, grounded and healthier because just for today, i can use the power i have been given and not piss it down the drain.

∞ DT ∞