โ my friends and sponsor are ordinary recovering addicts, just like i am. โ
Posted: Sat, Sep 9, 2006 01:27:51 PM
i can relate to their ordinary recovery experience and use it in my own program.
and such is the birth of resentments for me. i know that somewhere in the literature it says that expectations are premeditated resentments and for me this has been especially true lately. i expect myself to be recovering at a certain pace, knocking off the milestones day by day and progressing visibly towards a state of total acceptance of who i am, understanding where i fit in the world, having those perceive me as i exactly am and not having anything to hide from the rest of the world. but along the way i forget that what i am trying to achieve may not be the outcome of my efforts. that outcome may be entirely something different and unexpected. and even those little miles stones are not what i expect the to be, for me, for my sponsees and for my friends. since i am filled with expectations and am unwilling to put them aside for even the shortest moment, i often find myself angry, confused and worried for no reason at all. and then i am bitter and resentful because i cannot figure what is going on inside of me.
so what is there to do?
remember that all of those around me, myself included are flawed human beings. thos who are working a program are creating a better life for themselves, one day at a time. that does not mean that them or me will ever be cured, but all of us can get through another day, stay clean and live to see another day.
for me, i need to learn how to let go of being certain and embrace th unknown, after all there really are no universal answers.
and such is the birth of resentments for me. i know that somewhere in the literature it says that expectations are premeditated resentments and for me this has been especially true lately. i expect myself to be recovering at a certain pace, knocking off the milestones day by day and progressing visibly towards a state of total acceptance of who i am, understanding where i fit in the world, having those perceive me as i exactly am and not having anything to hide from the rest of the world. but along the way i forget that what i am trying to achieve may not be the outcome of my efforts. that outcome may be entirely something different and unexpected. and even those little miles stones are not what i expect the to be, for me, for my sponsees and for my friends. since i am filled with expectations and am unwilling to put them aside for even the shortest moment, i often find myself angry, confused and worried for no reason at all. and then i am bitter and resentful because i cannot figure what is going on inside of me.
so what is there to do?
remember that all of those around me, myself included are flawed human beings. thos who are working a program are creating a better life for themselves, one day at a time. that does not mean that them or me will ever be cured, but all of us can get through another day, stay clean and live to see another day.
for me, i need to learn how to let go of being certain and embrace th unknown, after all there really are no universal answers.
∞ DT ∞