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to make everything alright, has been a theme in my life and certainly in my recovery.
i am a bit writing this little bit of mind-dumpery today, because i allowed myself to vary form my Sunday morning routine. i do not deviate from the tried and true, very often, in fact, i loathe doing so, most of the time. i feel more comfortable making plans around what i need to get done, rather than fitting what i need to get done around spontaneous plans. today, i am certainly better off, after altering from the normal path and spending some time with a peer in recovery. quite honestly, i really did not think i would happen and i was on the edge of cancelling because i had “better” things to do. in reality, i did NOT have anything better to do, as the laundry will still get done and i will still get to go hang with my Broncos buddies and watch the game.

Tina B.,
Thank you for sticking around.
Congrats on holding it together for thirty-three (33) years.

as i go through the here and now, doing my best to keep this on the top of my priority list as well as pay attention to football and get my stuff done, i am struck by how badly i am doing just that. everything else, seems more important to me and i can certainly wonder if i am wasting my time, trying to hold this together. i feel that i need to be writing about how the story i tell myself and have told myself for a very long time, is that no matter what, someone will come charging over the hill, to rescue me from the consequences of making a decision or three that had undesirable (negative) consequences. being the superstitious human that i am, having this happen at least once before in my life, built an expectation for it to happen again and again. actually i have been rescued form my own idiocy more than once so the expectation has become i will ALWAYS be rescued. the insanity of it all!
i guess before i get to far out in left field, i will wrap this up by reminding myself that expectations are per-meditated resentments and allow this to pass back into the ether. it is certainly a good day to be clean and even a better day to allow myself to let go of the insane stories i choose to tell myself, just for today.

∞ DT ∞