๐ค only human ๐ถ
Posted: Wed, Jul 29, 2020 07:51:04 AM
living up to that standard, is a tough one for me. last night i had to be open-minded enough to get over one of the strongest opinions i have and accept another human, exactly as they are, at this moment in time. i know i am riddled with bias and prejudice, that is part of the human condition. i also know that when i strive to live beyond those self-imposed limitations, i get the opportunity to grow. this morning, after “sleeping on it” i am certain that i made the correct decision, even though my motives at the time, may not have been wholly “pure.” in the heat of the moment, it was a decision based on “looking good” rather than one based in spiritual principles. the reading this morning was not about motives, so with that in mind, i think i will move on .
that last paragraph, provides more than enough fodder for discussion this morning, as my humanness is popping out all over the place. right now, i am struggling with a bit of an identity crisis. my step work is forcing me top look at long held beliefs about what makes me, me and separate reality, the “me” part form the part that i was socialized into becoming. the resulting angst on top of all my feelings about what is happening in the world around me, does not make for a pretty picture and at times, i feel as if i need to run away to some distant mountain top and become a hermit in a hair-shirt. in short, i am feeling quite human today and it feels more than a little disturbing as it does not fit the picture of myself, that i have created for myself. so i am stuck in a “spin” cycle of sorts. i want to deny that i am feeling “human,” BUT i cannot get the facts of what is happening to be smoothed into a “story” that allows me to do so. and so i take it out on my body, running harder and faster and longer than i have before and pretending i am doing it for my health, when all it is really for is to stop feeling, thinking and spinning for just an hour or so. perhaps that is not a bad reaction, as there are certainly benefits to enjoy, as a result of trying to escape.
it is time, to put this little ditty to bed and go pound out some miles on the pavement, as i have opened enough cans of worms for this morning. it is a good day to be clean and a better day to accept that i am human and that i can willfully choose to rise above my biases and do something good, just because it is the next correct thing to do.
that last paragraph, provides more than enough fodder for discussion this morning, as my humanness is popping out all over the place. right now, i am struggling with a bit of an identity crisis. my step work is forcing me top look at long held beliefs about what makes me, me and separate reality, the “me” part form the part that i was socialized into becoming. the resulting angst on top of all my feelings about what is happening in the world around me, does not make for a pretty picture and at times, i feel as if i need to run away to some distant mountain top and become a hermit in a hair-shirt. in short, i am feeling quite human today and it feels more than a little disturbing as it does not fit the picture of myself, that i have created for myself. so i am stuck in a “spin” cycle of sorts. i want to deny that i am feeling “human,” BUT i cannot get the facts of what is happening to be smoothed into a “story” that allows me to do so. and so i take it out on my body, running harder and faster and longer than i have before and pretending i am doing it for my health, when all it is really for is to stop feeling, thinking and spinning for just an hour or so. perhaps that is not a bad reaction, as there are certainly benefits to enjoy, as a result of trying to escape.
it is time, to put this little ditty to bed and go pound out some miles on the pavement, as i have opened enough cans of worms for this morning. it is a good day to be clean and a better day to accept that i am human and that i can willfully choose to rise above my biases and do something good, just because it is the next correct thing to do.
∞ DT ∞