Blog entry for:

and humanity, are quite evident, once i get out of the all or none sort of thinking. the opposite of **all Cretans are liars** is not **no Cretans are liars.** the opposite of that statement is **some Cretans are NOT liars.** i am revisiting the liars paradox, because as i sit here on the bright and sunny afternoon in Bozeman, thinking about the weekend with my uncles, cousins and aunts, i see my future in the manner they are aging and have had some brushes with coming to terms with my mortality. i am not comfortable in my assumptions that i can forestall my inevitable decline and yet i am also not willing to accept that the path my Dad seems to be taking is my fate as well. my foray into better fitness, while all about my amends to me and getting some money into my HSA account, is also about how i will age as i go through my sixties and seventies. seeing how my uncles are living in their eighties gives me the HOPE that i can remain sharp and active for as long as i choose to do the work. just as i cannot get by on yesterday's recovery, i will have to work at staying fit and alert, as my uncles who have continued being active are doing much better than those who have not.
my issue has been all weekend that my Dad seems to be losing his ability to be alert and stay in the here and now. i have heard him repeating more than one story to his brothers and my cousins, and i “judge” that to be sign of his “decline,” and hence my own. i have been taking on his stuff since he got in the car Thursday afternoon and finally i see that i cannot afford to do so. what he does or repeats is no reflection on me, and trying to protect my reputation by guarding his, is not really working. there is no absolute here and allowing him the freedom to be who is right here and right now, allows me the freedom to let go of how i look, or better put how i think i look. he no longer has the ability, as if he ever did, to meet or exceed my expectations of him and that is not a reflection on how well i can meet my expectations for myself.
letting go, and taking a nap, seems to be the next right thing to do, and i am all about the next right thing. perhaps a meeting tonite if the right things happen this evening, but either way, meeting or no meeting i can be okay knowing i am here for my Dad and do not regret spending the resources to be here for my family, just for today.

∞ DT ∞