Some memes

for the maintenance of my spiritual condition, is not something i consciously consider as i walk through my day. most of the time, i just do it out of force of habit, and i see nothing wrong with that. i am constantly amazed by my peers who claim some sort of moral high ground, based in their need to be of “service” when they will not even take care of their spouse and progeny in a “grown-up” manner. i may not be the most adult or spiritual person in any room, but over the course of my recovery, i have learned that being present for those with whom i share my life, is far more important than traipsing off to “play.”
yesterday was a day where i had to step up a bit more than my original plan and had to let go of a sponsee who is not ready to return to the path of recovery. i also met with one of the men that call me their sponsor and got them moving on to the next part of their step work. living up to my responsibilities, letting go of stuff over which i have no power and working with another addict, does not qualify me for a “lifetime achievement” award, a medal or a round of applause, it is just the stuff i do on a daily basis. i work hard, i play hard and i take care of myself with a diligence i never believed was possible. things are the way they are in my life, because recovery has given me a set of peers who have taught me how to live clean and thrive.
yesterday, as i sat and listened, what came to me, was the notion that i need not apologize for what i do. if i miss a phone call for any reason, i do not have to apologize. if i am unavailable because of the level of activity in my life, saying i am sorry is just a social construct and more than a bit hypocritical as i am not really sorry, at all. bending my language to assuage the feelings of someone else, is manipulative and duplicitous and something i never thought about. this new “understanding” is based in the belief that because i feel entitled and have felt that way for what seems to be forever, i need to hide behind the wall of half-baked apologies. the behavior of the snowflake-in-chief and his minions, drives this point home, time and again. hurt feelings do not constitute libel or slander. criticism of how one does their job is not fake news and a private company denying to publish my lies and hate-filled invective is not a breach of my first amendment rights, no matter how loudly i whine about it.
i, however, digress, where i was going, is that today i see that explanations not apologies are the correct course of action, when i miss a phone call or cannot stand around and chat. learning to act in a responsible manner, is at least part of growing up in the rooms and as i implement an active program of recovery in my life, my responsibility includes being present for the needs of my family, my spouse and my friends, as well as my own. i can pretend that i live in a bubble and walk through life with little concern for those around me, or i can pull on my “big boy” pants and be a part of the world around me, just for today.

∞ DT ∞