Blog entry for:

no matter how **spiritually fit** i may **feel,** i still want what i want and i want it now. i may not wake-up every morning in self-obsession, as one of my peers shared yesterday at the live meeting i sneaked out to attend, but that does not mean i have been totally released for self-obsession. as i listened to my peer share, i wondered if i too, fell victim to that same trap. that question showed up in my TENTH STEP last night and bubbled under the surface in my morning meditation. what i felt as i got up and started my day was that my habitual little ritual of doing steps One, Two and Three before i put my feet on the ground, alleviated my self-obsession at least as i started my day. that does not free my from that state of being, but it certainly provides a window of opportunity to “hear” what i need to hear, as i enter the real world.
my work situation has just been extended until the end of August, but i truly want to be gone before the end of June. what i discovered this week, in my rush to get my name in front of as many potential employers as possible, is that i see to be stepping on my own toes and applying for the same position through different “job alerts.” moving forward i am going to limit my application process to one recruiter, as they seem to have a lot of overlap with the other two i have been using. i am going to continue to pay attention to the other sources, but rely on a single one as the “source of truth.”
i also delved into my feelings around my recalcitrant sponsee. i am not sure that he is willing to let go of what he thinks he knows, as he has been “around” recovery for decades. i really want to ask how all of that is working for him, but as he has yet to get thirty days clean, again, i know what the answer is. when i ask for a plan and direction, i get a to-do list from him. it is almost as if is afraid to look forward, beyond the chains of his past. i also get the whole “institutionalized” push-back as well. i know what it is like to be chained to something i accepted as truth and have to learn how to navigate in the world, with a brand new outlook. the past sixty days have been “interesting” for me, to say the least, but at least i have a direction in which i want to travel and a system in place to help me go there, if that is what is in store for me. the outcome i want to control, is certainly beyond my power to affect, but i can continue to look for and respond to any opportunities that come my way, just for today.,

∞ DT ∞