Some memes

that matter, in my recovery, in my life and in the world around me, is a topic i often come back to and this morning is one of those days. i am anxious and uncertain about what will happen tomorrow and as a result am going to strive to complete the task i have been working on, for what seems like forever. i am going into the next thirty-six hours as if nothing will be changing, but with the understanding that everything is up in the air. yes “i know” that i am working on a level that has yet to meet the expectations of my employers and i may not be the right person for the job i have. i also know that my professional skills in the past month have expanded and if i am thrown into the job market, i can and will find a new position. all in all, not the best way to end this week, but it is life in the real world.
bringing it home to something i do have a bit of control over, my decision to defer working out until later today. i am tired of trudging through the icy, snow-packed paths in the cold to get my steps in. today, much later than usual, i will be heading to the Rec Center to run on a treadmill or the indoor track. this morning in the cold dawn's early light, i will be rearranging the snow that fell overnight and working on my project at work. i still do have a job and i am going to give it my best effort, even if that may not be good enough for them.
in my emotional and personal life, when i subtract my job angst and the concern i have for my family members that are dealing with health issue, and that is quite a huge task, i am left with the notion i may not “know” what this day will bring or what i can do the change the outcomes of the stuff that is in motion, but i can step out of my head and bring the world back into focus, with a quick breath and remembering the feeling of calm i got, as i sat this this morning. in the words of one of my peers, today, “nothing is fVcked.”

∞ DT ∞