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to the rooms of recovery. to be honest, i know many addicts who walked out after a meeting or even more and never came back. i also have seen may walk out and keep coming back, time after time, once their lives went down the tubes again. most, if not all of them, have been welcomed into the rooms, some quite a few times, and yet find an excuse to return to the “life” of running and gunning, even though they KNOW what the outcome WILL be ⇝ JAILS, INSTITUTIONS and DEATH.
there are certainly times, when i tire of that parade and step back. there are times when i even begin to think that there are some who truly incapable, for one reason or another, to stay on the path of recovery, so why should i waste my time and resources helping them at all? and finally i remember that were it not for the members who actually kept reaching out to m when i got clean and was resistant to the notion of recovery, i would be like those i spoke of, above, lost and wandering in the maze of active addiction, the justice system and by this time in my life, probably mental health services. so where do i draw the line? that my friends, is the dilemma i struggle with, whenever i show up at a meeting, which happens to be once a week these days.
whether those who come and go are feeling as if they are being judged, as i have heard more than one, or not, it is my responsibility to set my own judgements aside and allow them the freedom to do juts that, come and go as they please. for me, that is one of the most difficult tasks, letting go after embracing them. i truly want all who walk into the rooms to have the opportunities i have had, BUT, and yes it is a big one, i will not invest more in their recovery, that they themselves are willing to invest. i cannot recover for them, but i can encourage them. i cannot drag them by the short-hairs to meetings, but i can offer rides when asked to do so. i cannot keep anyone clean, even myself, but i can let them know what works and demonstrate by how i live my life, that this gig does work and it is possible to move out of the dark labyrinth of active addiction, just for today.

∞ DT ∞